OLD & NEW HOLLYWOOD GO CRAZY!!

CELEBS FLASHING THE PINK. Listen up, Paris, Britney and Lindsay…You party girls DID NOT invent snatch flashing or the prodigious use of mind altering substances. One needs the equilibrium of a Whirling Dervish to keep up with all the Old Hollywood gals who exhibited their privates to a panting world. Hedy Lamarr, a delectable Austrian pastry, made her screen debut flashing full frontal nudity in the silent movie, Ecstasy. The actress became a Hollywood screen legend in Cecil B. DeMille’s epic, Samson & Delilah. Hedy invented the technology for the cellphone, but let the patent lapse. Others made millions. Paris, ever hear of Tallulah Bankhead, an aristocratic Southern Belle whose daddy was the U.S. Speaker of the House, third in line for the Presidency? This sexy actress was by her own admission “as pure as the driven slush”. Born over a 100 years ago, Tallulah smoked 100 cigarettes a day, drank cases of gin and bourbon daily, and carried a suitcase full of drugs, declaring: “Cocaine isn’t habit forming. I should know, I’ve been using it for years.” Tallulah went to parties nude, wearing only a single strand of pearls as she sat on a baby grand warbling. She was an avid bisexual who slept with hundreds of men AND women, including Hattie McDaniel (the first black actress to win an Oscar portraying “Mammy” in Gone With The Wind), Greta Garbo and Russian born silent film star Nazimova, the lesbian godmother of former First Lady Nancy Reagan. Tallulah once observed: “My daddy warned me about men and liquor, but he never mentioned women and cocaine.” Unlike Paris, Britney and Lindsay, Tallulah knew from irony and wit. But like them, Tallulah was a shameless flasher of the pink to EVERYONE. While making the Oscar winning Alfred Hitchcock movie, Lifeboat, she never wore panties and loved to shock the cast and crew by climbing up a ladder to the boat, skirt purposely hiked up to publicly expose her privates. When 20th Century Fox head Darryl Zanuck demanded that Hitchcock do something, the director contemptuously replied: “It’s not my department.” The studio chief demanded: “Well, whose department is it?” Hitchcock pondered for a moment, then answered: “Wardrobe or…perhaps hairdressing.”

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HORNDOG. Producer/actor Ashton Kutcher recalls the time he and his wife Demi Moore met the 42nd President of the United States: “Bill Clinton was the only President I ever met, but it was like I wasn’t there. HE WAS HITTING ON MY WIFE.” Many wish the Prez would have been so single minded in his pursuit of Osama Bin Laden, and nailed HIM in the Sudan in the mid 90’s.

DEAD STARS SELL THE GOODS. The style and panache of Old Hollywood is the gift that keeps giving. Audrey Hepburn, dead for 13 years is in an ad campaign for the Gap, elegantly dancing in a scene from Funny Face, a movie she made 50 years ago. The spot hawks slender, black Gap jeans for a New Millenium of consumers. The ever magical Hepburn joins her departed co-stars Fred Astaire (Dirt Devil), John Wayne (Coors) and Humphrey Bogart (Diet Coke & Thomasville Furniture) on the posthumous marketing campaign trail.

ALL SHRINKS TO GREY’S ANATOMY, STAT! Why is the brilliant producer/writer
Shondra Rhimes allowing the boorish Isaiah Washington to sabotage her groundbreaking network mega-hit? FIRE HIM! Why hasn’t this violent thespian had a criminal conviction for his long list of violent transgressions on numerous productions? From the allegations against Mr. Washington, it would appear he’s an equal opportunity rageaholic. Last fall, the pretend doctor assaulted his co-star Patrick Dempsey on the set, choking him after Dr. McDreamy defended castmate T. R. Knight against Washington’s homophobic slur. After Grey’s Anatomy won a Golden Globe for Best TV Series Drama, Washington grabbed the mike from producer Rhimes in front of the entire cast to announce: “No, I did not call T.R. a $#@. Never happened…” Rhimes giggled nervously instead of verbally clocking him.To save his job, Washington entered a 30-day rehab, but was released after a week of counseling, miraculously exorcising his demons in record time. The poster boy for anger management’s hit parade: During filming of the TV show High Incident, Washington got into a fight with a crew member that was vicious enough for the police to be called in. They handcuffed Washington and took him off in a squad car. “He grabbed my throat, choking me. Then he picked me up and threw me over the couch,” the alleged victim told The National Enquirer. While filming Soul Food for Showtime, Washington attacked his actress co-star with a “forceful, aggressive” kiss that caused her to scream. When Executive Producer Tracey Edmonds (“Babyface’s ex-wife) and the director stepped in to calm the situation, Washington went off on them, too. The hair trigger tempered actor also came to blows with a straight, black actor on the set of a play a few years back. Many show biz folks say Washington’s not anti-gay, he’s been angry toward EVERYBODY over the years. Isaiah Washington still has a bullet hole in his right leg, which he admits sustaining because, “I was young and dumb…And one day I popped off my mouth to the wrong person and got shot.” If Producer Rhimes doesn’t fire this guy, may we suggest she write Washington’s character as a newly uncloseted gay doc who plays steamy sex scenes with hot studmuffins for the show’s duration.

QUOTES OF THE DAY.

“Sometimes I wish Pam would turn lesbian.”
Pamela Anderson’s mother reflecting on her daughter’s
liaisons with Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels and Kid Rock.

“One inch less and he’d be the Queen of Hollywood.”
Carole Lombard’s yardstick appraisal of her
hubby Clark Gable

(c) 2007, Sistarrs International

PASTOR JOE DISTRACTED BY THOUGHTS OF JESSICA'S...

That ultimate stage parent from hell, former youth pastor Joe Simpson, must've been thinkin' of something real alluring. He drove his Ferrari into a staircase railing shortly after leaving a salon in Beverly Hills. Like any man as guilty as sin, Pastor Joe drove off before he thought anyone noticed.

This guy's a piece of work. Check him out in this week's blog and podcast about stage parents from hell. Pastor Joe has an unhealthy interest in Jessica's God given endowments, and brags to anyone who'll listen about her double D's and the fact that he fit her for her first bra! When he hit that railing, what was he thinking...

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT A HORNDOG

Ashton Kutcher told TV host Jay Leno last night about the time he and his wife Demi Moore met the 42nd President of the United States: "Clinton was the only President I ever met, but it was like I wasn't there. HE WAS HITTING ON MY WIFE!"

Ah, if the Prez only would have been so single-minded in his pursuit of Osama Bin Laden, he could've nailed HIM in the Sudan in the early 90's...

ANNA NICOLE: THE PLOT SICKENS...

Photographer Larry Birkhead, who is duking it out in court with Anna Nicole Smith's full service, personal attorney Howard K. Stern, for the honor of being called the TrimSpa Queen's baby daddy, in an exclusive interview yesterday with MSNBC's Rita Cosby made some stunning, new allegations about his former lady love. Birkhead says that Anna Nicole has a methadone addiction, and he fears the baby was born damaged. In addition to a paternity test, he's also demanding that the baby be tested for drugs. He accuses attorney Stern of supplying Anna Nicole with methadone. A sad footnote: Her son Daniel's autopsy revealed he died from a lethal combination of methadone and antidepressants.

Anna Nicole's taste for drugs may be back again and her taste in men is definitely up her childhood. Her own no-good daddy left early and well, you can figure out the rest...

BRITNEY'S BABY DADDY A NO SHOW AT HOME

Kevin Federline is still in the running for lousiest father ever. After leaving his girlfriend actress Shar Jackson with their two toddlers for Britney Spears, he married the songstress diva and immediately produced two heirs to HER pop dynasty, insuring HIS financial future. According to "Page Six", the wannabe rapper is up to his old, bad boy ways, leaving his wife and two babies, ages 3 weeks and one-year at home in Malibu, while he chartered a private jet with his buddies for a wild weekend in his beloved Las Vegas. While he boozed it up and party-ed in Sin City, we saw Britney shlepping her two adorable tots around Malibu with the obligatory pit stop at Starbuck's.

Brit, you need more than a jolt of java to keep you going. You need a major rush of reality to get rid of this moocher. While doling out unearned gifts to your hubby, how 'bout getting K-Fed one he deserves... a vasectomy for Christmas. Now that would truly bring joy to the world!!

A BOOB JOB (NOT K-FED) SAVES A LIFE!!

An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group. Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24 year old's heart.

A silicone shield against the sword of Damocles...now that's something those folks in the Old Testament NEVER though of!!


Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...