TINSELTOWN: SEX, TATTOOS & DIET

PAMELA ANDERSON AND GANDHI: SEXY VEGETARIANS…The former Baywatch babe seduces her carnivorous fans by cooing: “For the best orgasm ever, go vegetarian.” PETA spokesperson Pam Anderson gives full credit to her vegan diet for her intense, stupendous sex life. Her buddy Bill Maher adds: “Meat is dirty. I wouldn’t touch a hot dog without a condom on it.”

The highly sexed Hindu vegetarian Mohandas Gandhi agreed with Pam about diet and orgasms. His vow of celibacy led to a titanic struggle to remain sexually abstinent, “It’s like living on the sword’s edge,” the randy Mahatma moaned. He left the marital bed forever after his fourth kid, but later caused a scandal by sleeping with young naked girls to keep him warm and to test his resolve. Gandhi also shared Pam’s passion for safeguarding animals from wanton cruelty: “The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way it treats its animals.” Pam, who obviously loves the animals in her life, admits to having “monkey sex” with former hubby Tommy Lee. She went after Madison Avenue ad agencies for using chimps and apes in commercials. The mammary maven even demanded a boycott of KFC, complaining that modern chickens are “so top heavy they can’t walk.” SAY WHAT?! The scantily clad Gandhi must be smiling on the scantily clad Pam from his stone sarcophagus at the Lake Shrine on Sunset Boulevard. Yes, even the great Mahatma had a Hollywood connection. The late Hindu holy man Yogananda, the founder of this Self-Realization sect, was Gandhi’s yoga teacher and Elvis Presley’s spiritual guru. Ah, Tinseltown: land of oxymorons…

TATTOO ME TWO…The latest Hollywood fad is matching tattoos for lovebirds.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline inked identical dice tattoos following their wedding. That gamble didn’t pay off. David Beckham and his wife Victoria (formerly “Posh Spice”) sport matching Hebrew tattoos which translate to: “I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” Angelina Jolie has a Buddhist prayer with Sanskrit symbols on her shoulder, a prayer of protection for her little Cambodian son, Maddox. After hooking up with Angelina, Brad Pitt got his first permanent tattoo, the very same Buddhist prayer, etched forever above his tuchas. Angelina and former hubby Billy Bob Thornton had each other’s names perma-inked on their bodies, too. The “Lara Croft” star plunged into a world of pain when she had the name “Billy Bob” removed from her labia. Ouch!

FAVORITE QUOTES OF THE DAY:

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited
about nothing…and then marry HIM.”
Cher, who thought Mount Rushmore was a natural phenomenon


“I’ve given up reading books: I find it takes my mind off myself.”
Oscar Levant, famous neurotic genius and hypochondriac

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years…THEN we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield, who got plenty of respect elsewhere

“We want to have Brooklyn christened, but we are not sure
into which religion!”
David Beckham, on his son, Brooklyn. Jewish is definitely out!

“You know you’re trailer trash when you think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.”
Overheard at the Polo Lounge

StarrSisters@gmail.com

NAOMI CAMPBELL KO's DRUG COUNSELOR

Superthug supermodel Naomi Campbell has been arrested yet again for another alleged assault. The British network Sky News and The Sun of Lonndon reported the ugly tempered, venomous vixen attacked her drug counselor in London while taking the drug tests required to renew her visa to work in the U.S.

The woman claims she was attacked and scratched all over the face in a Westminster house by the adrenaline laced mannequin. Police arrested Campbell at 1:20 pm for an alleged assault and took her to the central London police station.

The pugilistic diva has a history of being accused of assault by at least six other people who have worked for her as assistants or maids. A few required stitches and/or hospitalization.

It's high time this sick superbitch got booked for an even grudge match. We suggest a pay-per-view slugfest with her ex-boyfriend Mike Tyson, gloves off, of course. If this karmic booomerang doesn't come off, perhaps a 1 to 5 year stretch in a women's prison might be in order. We'll see whose bitch this bitch will be...Until then would someone please put this domestic batterer in a cage strewn with Ritalin?!!

TOMKAT WEDDING RUSE?

While the paparazzi assemble outside George Clooney's Italian villa on Lake Como for the November 18 nuptials of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, The New York Post's Cindy Adams claims to have the inside scoop: the duo is actually tying the knot at Rome's Hassler Hotel atop the Spanish Steps.

Take your choice: camp out at beautiful Lake Como or at the historic, scenic hilltop location in Rome. We'd rather stay in Malibu and join the celebrity protesters Halle Berry, Darryl Hannah, Cindy Crawford, Ted Danson, Jane Seymour and Pierce Brosnan in their demonstration against a proposed 13-story floating natural gas terminal scheduled to be built off our shoreline. Besides the bevy of celebrities, fans, paparazzi and television networks from around the globe that mobbed Surfrider Beach in Malibu last Sunday, other famous Malibu residents Barbra Streisand, Cher, Jamie Lee Curtis, Danny DeVito, Tom Hanks, Olivia Newton-John and Martin Sheen have signed a letter opposing the terminal. The document says "it poses a significant and potentially irreversible negative impact to our coast, our environment and to the health and safety of our families..." Talk about a cause celebre!

SURPRISE: PARIS HILTON FOR SALE TO HIGHEST BIDDER

Wanna bag Paris Hilton for New Year's Eve? Well, for a mere $100,000, plus an expense account and a private jet, the celebutante will host a soiree in your honor in either Los Angeles, New York or Miami.

We're told Paris will not stay for more than 10 minutes, proving that amazingly there are certain occasions when the heirhead can count to 10!!

IS SIR PAUL NOT SIR GALAHAD AFTER ALL?

In the bitter divorce between Paul McCartney and his second wife Heather Mills, many were stunned last week by allegations that the 64 year old mild mannered rock god abused his amputee wife by not letting her use a bedpan so she wouldn't have to crawl in the middle of the night to the bathroom. She asserts he didn't want t feel like he lived in an old age home. Nobody believed such behavior possible from Sir Paul. Some upper crust British dame even sniffed: "If it's true, I must say I'd make this one exception to advocate domestic abuse." (Not funny, lady!!)

Well, get ready for your smug, righteous world to be rocked! There are allegations that the former Beatle beat up his first wife Linda. The UK tabloid Daily Mail claims that "Sir Paul McCartney is attempting to block 20 hours of alleged taped revelations from his first wife, said to contain intimate disclosures of the marriage that cast an alternative light on his 29 year marriage to the former Linda Eastman, from being used in his current divorce battle."

Say it ain't so, Paul!! Though his current wife is no saint and has been besmirched in various publications as a sociopathic liar who has prostitution in her earlier, colorful history, it doesn't mean anyone can rush to judgement based on the public face of a beloved celebrity. Mills alleges that McCartney was violent to her on four separate occasions. Batterers can be the most charming people in the world. After all they convince adult women to stick around because it will never happen again. Who knows the truth? But let IT will out.

GUESS WHO?

A helpful quick, easy and cheap idea for a Halloween costume is being proferred by the CityRag blog: "Celebrity Baby Smuggler". Guess the phony British accent on Oprah didn't convince everyone.

ELVIS DETHRONED

Kurt Cobain and not Elvis Presley is now the KING of the top-earning dead celebrity club. The grunge rocker earned $50 million in the last year while the original rock god earned a mere $42. Rounding out the Top Five dead celeb earners are "Peanuts" creator Charles Schulz at $35 million, Beatle John Lennon at $24 million and long deceased physicist Albert Einstein at $20 million, mostly from the lucrative "Baby Einstein" educational videos.

Wanna leave an estate for your family that keeps giving? Get famous before you croak. Now that's estate planning at it's best!!

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Mark Twain


Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

MARILYN SHTUPPED ELVIS!!

Let's get real...who didn't the blonde bombshell sleep with?! A SALACIOUS 50-year old Hollywood secret is finally out: Marilyn slept with Elvis after being delivered to his hotel room by a William Morris agent, Byron Raphael. The agent tells Page Six that The King ordered him to pick up Marilyn Monroe at an apartment she shared with actress Shelley Winters.

"When he saw her, they came together and, without saying a word, started kissing. I was in shock and I didn't know what to do. Then Marilyn who was 10 years older, said: 'You're pretty good for a guitar player.'

"After two minutes, they went into the bedroom and I didn't know if I was supposed to leave, or stay and wait for them, so I sort of dozed off. The next thing I knew I was startled awake by the door opening and I dove behind the bar. And they both walked out stark naked. I didn't say a word. I just stayed quietly."

Marilyn was known to skip the hellos when meeting folks and heading straight to carnal territory. She must've circled the "E's" in the alphabet twice as she also slept with Einstein. Shelley Winters , her roommate at the time, reported seeing an autographed photo of the Genius of the 20th Century inscribed to Marilyn: "With love and respect and THANKS." (See our blog: "Here lies Marilyn Monroe: 38-23-36"). Marilyn was always looking for a father, which is why she slept with movie idol Clark Gable. Whether she had a sexual liaison with screen legend Joan Crawford to fulfill a mommy craving is unclear. Crawford wanted another round, Marilyn said she preferred guys.Yes, folks...there is such a thing as women who love too much!!

"Just Asking" from the Always On The Money Page Six...

"Which recently rehabbed celebrity is back on the sauce? The guy just can't stay away from the booze...or the women, much to his wife's distress."

Happy birthday to a billionaire gossip columnist...

Birthday greetings to the elegant man-about-town and Greek shipping heir, Taki Theodoracopulos on his 70th celebrated in London at the famed Annabelle's with a dinner dance for the billionaire and titled set. Guests at the million dollar extravaganza included King Constantine and Queen Anne Marie of Greece, designer Caroline Herrera and two hundred other jet setters. Thanks, Taki, for mentioning the Starr Sisters in your renowned column in The Sunday Times of London. Here's to your next 70 fabulous years!!

EAT DIRT!!

A granny in India says she stays healthy by eating a little more than 2 pounds of sand a day. Ram Rati, 80, considers sand an essential part of her diet and eats it before breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea.

This beats anorexia, bulimia or cartons of cigarettes. Just think, if your dirt is lucky enough to have a few earth worms, you'll for sure get your daily requirement of protein!!

Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...