TINSELTOWN: SEX, TATTOOS & DIET

PAMELA ANDERSON AND GANDHI: SEXY VEGETARIANS…The former Baywatch babe seduces her carnivorous fans by cooing: “For the best orgasm ever, go vegetarian.” PETA spokesperson Pam Anderson gives full credit to her vegan diet for her intense, stupendous sex life. Her buddy Bill Maher adds: “Meat is dirty. I wouldn’t touch a hot dog without a condom on it.”

The highly sexed Hindu vegetarian Mohandas Gandhi agreed with Pam about diet and orgasms. His vow of celibacy led to a titanic struggle to remain sexually abstinent, “It’s like living on the sword’s edge,” the randy Mahatma moaned. He left the marital bed forever after his fourth kid, but later caused a scandal by sleeping with young naked girls to keep him warm and to test his resolve. Gandhi also shared Pam’s passion for safeguarding animals from wanton cruelty: “The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way it treats its animals.” Pam, who obviously loves the animals in her life, admits to having “monkey sex” with former hubby Tommy Lee. She went after Madison Avenue ad agencies for using chimps and apes in commercials. The mammary maven even demanded a boycott of KFC, complaining that modern chickens are “so top heavy they can’t walk.” SAY WHAT?! The scantily clad Gandhi must be smiling on the scantily clad Pam from his stone sarcophagus at the Lake Shrine on Sunset Boulevard. Yes, even the great Mahatma had a Hollywood connection. The late Hindu holy man Yogananda, the founder of this Self-Realization sect, was Gandhi’s yoga teacher and Elvis Presley’s spiritual guru. Ah, Tinseltown: land of oxymorons…

TATTOO ME TWO…The latest Hollywood fad is matching tattoos for lovebirds.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline inked identical dice tattoos following their wedding. That gamble didn’t pay off. David Beckham and his wife Victoria (formerly “Posh Spice”) sport matching Hebrew tattoos which translate to: “I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” Angelina Jolie has a Buddhist prayer with Sanskrit symbols on her shoulder, a prayer of protection for her little Cambodian son, Maddox. After hooking up with Angelina, Brad Pitt got his first permanent tattoo, the very same Buddhist prayer, etched forever above his tuchas. Angelina and former hubby Billy Bob Thornton had each other’s names perma-inked on their bodies, too. The “Lara Croft” star plunged into a world of pain when she had the name “Billy Bob” removed from her labia. Ouch!

FAVORITE QUOTES OF THE DAY:

“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited
about nothing…and then marry HIM.”
Cher, who thought Mount Rushmore was a natural phenomenon


“I’ve given up reading books: I find it takes my mind off myself.”
Oscar Levant, famous neurotic genius and hypochondriac

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years…THEN we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield, who got plenty of respect elsewhere

“We want to have Brooklyn christened, but we are not sure
into which religion!”
David Beckham, on his son, Brooklyn. Jewish is definitely out!

“You know you’re trailer trash when you think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.”
Overheard at the Polo Lounge

StarrSisters@gmail.com

PUSSYWHIPPED IN HOLLYWOOD...

SUPERSTAR HAS GORGEOUS LESBIAN WIFE AND GAY BEST BUDDY…GUESS WHO? For the last year, the press questioned the manhood of this female wet dream. They felt his bisexual second wife wore the pants in the family, and that her total domination compromised his virility. The sexy hunk everyone knew vanished, replaced by a pussy-whipped puppet.

Brad and Angelina? NOT.

They were talking about the silent film matinee idol Rudolph Valentino, whose status as The World’s Greatest Screen Lover wasn’t helped by the fact that his two wives were lesbians. The Russian actress Nazimova, Hollywood’s notorious lesbian den mother and Nancy Reagan’s godmother, introduced Rudy to both ladies. Giving an Art Deco dildo with a cutesy inscription to his gay buddy, screen scorcher Ramon Navarro, raised a few eyebrows, too. Four decades later, two gay hustlers rammed the dildo down the aged Novarro’s throat, killing him in his Laurel Canyon home.

Eighty years after Valentino’s death at age 31, Tinseltown is again abuzz with doubts about the cojones of its current “Sexiest Man Alive”, Brad Pitt. A disenchanted fan recently expressed a sentiment that seems rampant in many Internet chat rooms: “Brad’s total submersion into the bisexual Angelina’s baby besotted, globetrotting lifestyle seems to have turned him from Sexiest Man Alive into a pussy-whipped male nanny in less than a year’s time.” Apparently, the advent of the 21st century has done little to alter the traditional perception of what makes a man a man.

An interesting footnote: Before their respective global adoptions, domestic bliss and quest to channel Mother Teresa... Angelina Jolie and Madonna enjoyed the favors of the same lesbian lover, the loose lipped Jenny Shimizu. Angelina once said of the long term relationship: “I would have married Jenny if I hadn’t married my (first) husband.” But motherhood and forming a Rainbow Tribe changes everything. Just ask Josephine Baker, a sexy, courageous black entertainer who fled 1920’s racism in America to gain international fame in Paris, dancing naked except for a string of bananas around her waist. After romancing the married King Gustav VI of Sweden and joining the French Resistance, smuggling out wartime secrets written in invisible ink on her sheet music, she began her own Rainbow Tribe. This original Mother of Reinvention adopted 12 kids while on world tours “to show the world that children of different ethnicities and religions can love and live as brothers and sisters.” Baker’s adoption record was broken by actress Mia Farrow...Frank Sinatra’s ex and Woody Allen’s muse until he sucked face with her teen Korean daughter, Soon Yi. This secular saint’s Rainbow Tribe consists of 14 ethnically diverse kids (many disabled) and an ex-husband who was still married when their courtship began. Like Angelina and Madonna, Mama Mia also regularly visits Africa to do battle for the health and safety of kids. Hmm, the misery of one cheated on wife versus the happiness and well-being of millions of children…We can’t afford to be petty.

Quote of the Day.....

"Frank's bigger than THAT!"

Ava Gardner to Grace Kelly, after flipping up a Masai warrior's
loincloth on the Mogambo set to reveal a humonguous male member.

Little did sultry Ava know that the demure future
Princess of Monaco already knew this fact FIRST-HAND
about Ava's husband, Frank Sinatra.

StarrSisters@gmail.com

MADONNA'S BABY DADDY CRIES FOUL

After an international ping pong match between new adoptive mom Madonna, the world press and outraged international adoption rights groups, Babydonna now has another volley to return. Seems Yohane Banda, the birth dad of 13-month old David, now claims he wasn't fully informed that he was relinquishing legal custody of his child permanently. "I am just realizing the meaning of 'adoption'," the illiterate Banda told the press. "If we were told she wants to take the baby as her own, we would not have consented, because I see no reason I should give up my son." However, the Malawi farmer added that he does not want his son returned to the orphanage.

Fear not concerned citizens of the world! It has just been announced that Madonna will explain all to us Oct. 25th through the benevolent god of talk shows, Oprah Winfrey. We'd like to ask the Material Girl, known in certain circles as Esther, a few questions of our own. (1) With your iconoclastic view of the Catholic Church and its foibles, how could you take a missionary position in regard to your $3 donation to Malawi schools & orphanages, stipulating that teaching Kabbalah to kids is a condition for the gift? (2) Is it true that you were set to adopt a California orphan until a dinner with Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt convinced you to adopt an African tot? (3) Have you consulted Mia Farrow who began adopting Third World and disabled tots in the 60's and ended up with 13 children? (4) Is channeling entertainer extraordinaire and ex-patriate (like yourself) Josephine Baker on your "must do" list? Baker fled racism in '20s America to find fame & glory in Paris dancing with only bananas around her waist. She went on to adopt 12 children of different ethnicities which she called her Rainbow Tribe to prove that different races could live in harmony. Viva adoptive show biz parents!!

ANNA NICOLE'S SON BURIED ON DAY 39

A cemetery in the Bahamas was the scene last Thursday afternoon for tragic Daniel Smith's burial. He was laid to rest in a mahogany casket wearing his favorite trucker cap and jeans. His mother ANNA NICOLE SMITH wore a couture mourner's outfit custom-made by the same designer who made her faux wedding gown. In the obscenely long period between Daniel's death from a drug overdose, his mother: (1) sold the last known photos of her son with his new baby sister for $600,000, (2) staged a fake wedding with her long time personal lawyer, claiming that he and not photographer Larry Birkhead is the baby's daddy. She sold those photos for close to a $1 million, (3) allegedly bribed the Bahamian government to fast track her citizenship application to avoid being legally forced to submit to paternity tests. Anna Nicole was heard screaming at Daniel's funeral: "I don't want a husband, I want my son!"

Here's a question we'd like to ask: Daniel took 7 times the prescribed dosage for both Zoloft and Methadone. He was depressed, that explains the antidepressants in his system. But where did he get the Methadone? Anna Nicole's been accused by the alleged father of her daughter, Larry Birkhead, of being a Methadone addict who was admitted to rehab in the 7th month of her pregnancy. Why is there no investigation as to how Daniel got the Methadone?

PARIS IS A SKANK AND A PRUDE...ISN'T THAT AN OXYMORON?

Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, ex-boyfriend of Paris Hilton, tattles to the British tabloid, News of the World, that the airhead heiress is not the bomb, but a sexual dud in bed because she was wasted on drugs. He told Georgina Dickinson that, "She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drinks to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out." He went on to say that she was so hooked on drugs that she smuggled it on airplanes in teddy bears!

Who says chivalry is dead?! Nick's reality show with the IQ challenged Carter clan is a red neck grudge match that never ends. It should be called "The Thrilla in Vanilla"...As for Paris' libido, we told you months ago that she herself admitted that she wasn't that into sex and that her boyfriends were sorely disappointed with having to wake her up in the middle of sex for a call on her sidekick...Paris liberate yourself. Close the shop to all foreign invaders for awhile.

TOM CRUISING FOR A BRUISING

It seems the actor's couch jumping and psychiatry bashing caused a mass exodus of lots of his fans. Even his apology to Brooke Shields after he publicly criticized her for taking medication for postpartum depression couldn't add luster to his tarnished image. Once Tom Cruise ranked among the 10 most popular stars in opinion polls by Marketing Evaluations Inc. He now ranks a bleak No. 650.

What a fascinating lesson in the power of today's Hollywood publicist. Once he fired his long-time publicist, Pat Kingsley, and hired his fellow Scientologist sister, all hell broke loose. Mr. Nice Guy or fanatical cultist with a superiority complex: will the real Tom Cruise please stand up, 3 inch lifts and all!

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Which Hollywood fitness fanatic and leading man has his hairline back thanks to surgery and Rogaine? Unfortunately, Mr. Stud Muffin now requires more Viagara than Hugh Hefner to flex a certain muscle for the ladies due to side effects of the drug treatment.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Honey, one inch less and he'd be the Queen of Hollywood."

Actress Carole Lombard, observing that size DOES count, during her marriage to the King of Hollywood, Clark Gable.

HAVING A GAS AT A POLITICAL RALLY VERBOTEN!!

Police in Poland have extended their dragnet and gone to Interpol for help in the search for a political dissident who passed gas when asked what he thought of the President. Hubert Hoffman, 45, charged with "contempt for the office of the head of state", failed to show up for his trial on the charge, setting off the manhunt.


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