SUPERSTAR HAS GORGEOUS LESBIAN WIFE AND GAY BEST BUDDY…GUESS WHO? For the last year, the press questioned the manhood of this female wet dream. They felt his bisexual second wife wore the pants in the family, and that her total domination compromised his virility. The sexy hunk everyone knew vanished, replaced by a pussy-whipped puppet.
Brad and Angelina? NOT.
They were talking about the silent film matinee idol Rudolph Valentino, whose status as The World’s Greatest Screen Lover wasn’t helped by the fact that his two wives were lesbians. The Russian actress Nazimova, Hollywood’s notorious lesbian den mother and Nancy Reagan’s godmother, introduced Rudy to both ladies. Giving an Art Deco dildo with a cutesy inscription to his gay buddy, screen scorcher Ramon Navarro, raised a few eyebrows, too. Four decades later, two gay hustlers rammed the dildo down the aged Novarro’s throat, killing him in his Laurel Canyon home.
Eighty years after Valentino’s death at age 31, Tinseltown is again abuzz with doubts about the cojones of its current “Sexiest Man Alive”, Brad Pitt. A disenchanted fan recently expressed a sentiment that seems rampant in many Internet chat rooms: “Brad’s total submersion into the bisexual Angelina’s baby besotted, globetrotting lifestyle seems to have turned him from Sexiest Man Alive into a pussy-whipped male nanny in less than a year’s time.” Apparently, the advent of the 21st century has done little to alter the traditional perception of what makes a man a man.
An interesting footnote: Before their respective global adoptions, domestic bliss and quest to channel Mother Teresa... Angelina Jolie and Madonna enjoyed the favors of the same lesbian lover, the loose lipped Jenny Shimizu. Angelina once said of the long term relationship: “I would have married Jenny if I hadn’t married my (first) husband.” But motherhood and forming a Rainbow Tribe changes everything. Just ask Josephine Baker, a sexy, courageous black entertainer who fled 1920’s racism in America to gain international fame in Paris, dancing naked except for a string of bananas around her waist. After romancing the married King Gustav VI of Sweden and joining the French Resistance, smuggling out wartime secrets written in invisible ink on her sheet music, she began her own Rainbow Tribe. This original Mother of Reinvention adopted 12 kids while on world tours “to show the world that children of different ethnicities and religions can love and live as brothers and sisters.” Baker’s adoption record was broken by actress Mia Farrow...Frank Sinatra’s ex and Woody Allen’s muse until he sucked face with her teen Korean daughter, Soon Yi. This secular saint’s Rainbow Tribe consists of 14 ethnically diverse kids (many disabled) and an ex-husband who was still married when their courtship began. Like Angelina and Madonna, Mama Mia also regularly visits Africa to do battle for the health and safety of kids. Hmm, the misery of one cheated on wife versus the happiness and well-being of millions of children…We can’t afford to be petty.
Quote of the Day.....
"Frank's bigger than THAT!"
Ava Gardner to Grace Kelly, after flipping up a Masai warrior's
loincloth on the Mogambo set to reveal a humonguous male member.
Little did sultry Ava know that the demure future
Princess of Monaco already knew this fact FIRST-HAND
about Ava's husband, Frank Sinatra.
StarrSisters@gmail.com
Showing posts with label madonna. Show all posts
Showing posts with label madonna. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Monday, December 04, 2006
STARS SEARCH FOR MAGIC BEYOND FAME & FORTUNE
Everyone can be a spiritual Rocky, everyone can be a winner, the famous and the ordinary, by connecting the dots on the roadmap leading to your own vision of heaven.
Stars are searching for something beyond the money, the glamour and the fame. They want it ALL, and are turning to ancient teachings and practices to provide the blueprint to their happiness and peace of mind.
The Kabbalah
This 2,000 year old Jewish book of mysticism, shrouded in mystery for centuries and taught to a precious few rabbis, is alleged to contain the secret code to deciphering life. It is no wonder that in an age of computers, this religious/scientific doctrine is gaining popularity.
Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher and Naomi Judd are drawn to the "mind-body aspect", while Madonna cites her interest in the Kabbalistic belief that, "Every action of every minute is connected to future events. Therefore, we are responsible for our own destiny. We are the producers, directors and writers of our own movie, our life, which has a beginning, middle and end." Her adopted Malawi tot, David Banda, will be in the pre-K program at the Kabbalah Center, founded by the indestructible, ever reincarnating diva.
Dolly Parton, Barbra Streisand, Roseanne are among the growing number of celebrities immersed in studying Kabbalah. Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have dabbled and been photographed wearing the Kabbalah fashionista accessory, the red string bracelet (believed to ward off evil spirits).
Streisand waxes rhapsodic about the Cabalistic concept of of soul connection, the idea that only when you've learned certain lessons do you meet your soulmate. "And I've met mine," she coos about hubby James Brolin. "It's important to be positive about everything negative in your life. A positive spin propels us ahead to success."
Like Buddhism, Kabbalah teaches that reincarnation is necessary for soul perfection. Many lifetimes, many lessons learned. It is rumored that the Catholic Church taught reincarnation until the head of state, Emperor Constantine, became the head of the church. The original manuscripts of these teachings are alleged to be in a vault in the Vatican archives.
Many stars believe in reincarnation for a good reason. They've experience it in THIS lifetime.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Rod Stewart, Elvis Presley, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore in their previous lives were: a supermarket checker, a gravedigger, a truckdriver, a bartender and a teenage runaway.
BUDDHISM
Buddhism is about getting enlightenment by getting out of the self. Many see it as a logical antidote to the ME obsession which brings unhappiness to many over-achievers. Richard Gere is buddies with the Dalai Lama and spends months on end visiting him in Tibet, staying in a tent, not the Llasa Hilton. Other Buddhists like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Patrick Duffy have built altars in their mansions in their practice of "loving kindness". A Hollywood Zen master on the payroll of the stars says: "In Buddhism, we study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by ALL things. All learning is unlearning. We must empty our mind of cherished notions and assumptions."
STEVEN SPIELBERG TEAMS UP WITH THE ANCIENTS
Steven Spielberg and Albert Einstein are both time travelers straddling a light beam. Both are mystics who plugged into the past to see the future. (That's how it's done folks. So be nice to the elderly!)
The five-tone vibration heard in Close Encounters was first heard by the ancient Greek mathematician Pythagoras. He discovered this five-tone scale and called it "The Music of the Spheres". As the 2,000 year old tale goes, no one but Pythagoras could hear this universal tone. But one day we would ALL hear it when we lived in harmony with ourselves and with each other.
So by having everyone hear this five-vibration tone emanating from the spaceship,
Spielberg shows us that the future comes to teach us what the ancients ALREADY knew.
In the movie ET, the ancient art of hands on healing is shown in a modern world. The positive energy from ET's lit finger touches and heals the little boy's cut finger. The little boy's profession of love tranforms the dying ET back to life and turns on his heart light. Spielberg, ever the avatar, shows us the timelessness of love as the alchemist for ALL miracles.
Oprah Winfrey says she's experienced amost 200 miracles since deciding to live in love. "I now approach EVERY single incident and person in my life as an opportunity to love and weave a web of goodness." This Christmas, Oprah and best friend Gayle King will be in South Africa setting up a school for orphaned, poor girls to train them to be tomorrow's leaders.
Secrets to a fabulous life...
Touched by an Angel was a huge hit because people ALWAYS feel good about love: heavenly and earthly. In a fast paced, perplexing world, a positive constant is reassuring. Everything and everybody and everyplace in every era are connected on the golden web of love that is manifested through signposts, prayer, intuition and the miracle of overcoming all adversity through faith in good.
As Penny Marshall says about her friend, Rosie O'Donnell: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
Have a fabulous and exciting Holiday Season!! Enjoy the ride...
(c) 2006, Sistarrs International
Stars are searching for something beyond the money, the glamour and the fame. They want it ALL, and are turning to ancient teachings and practices to provide the blueprint to their happiness and peace of mind.
The Kabbalah
This 2,000 year old Jewish book of mysticism, shrouded in mystery for centuries and taught to a precious few rabbis, is alleged to contain the secret code to deciphering life. It is no wonder that in an age of computers, this religious/scientific doctrine is gaining popularity.
Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher and Naomi Judd are drawn to the "mind-body aspect", while Madonna cites her interest in the Kabbalistic belief that, "Every action of every minute is connected to future events. Therefore, we are responsible for our own destiny. We are the producers, directors and writers of our own movie, our life, which has a beginning, middle and end." Her adopted Malawi tot, David Banda, will be in the pre-K program at the Kabbalah Center, founded by the indestructible, ever reincarnating diva.
Dolly Parton, Barbra Streisand, Roseanne are among the growing number of celebrities immersed in studying Kabbalah. Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have dabbled and been photographed wearing the Kabbalah fashionista accessory, the red string bracelet (believed to ward off evil spirits).
Streisand waxes rhapsodic about the Cabalistic concept of of soul connection, the idea that only when you've learned certain lessons do you meet your soulmate. "And I've met mine," she coos about hubby James Brolin. "It's important to be positive about everything negative in your life. A positive spin propels us ahead to success."
Like Buddhism, Kabbalah teaches that reincarnation is necessary for soul perfection. Many lifetimes, many lessons learned. It is rumored that the Catholic Church taught reincarnation until the head of state, Emperor Constantine, became the head of the church. The original manuscripts of these teachings are alleged to be in a vault in the Vatican archives.
Many stars believe in reincarnation for a good reason. They've experience it in THIS lifetime.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Rod Stewart, Elvis Presley, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore in their previous lives were: a supermarket checker, a gravedigger, a truckdriver, a bartender and a teenage runaway.
BUDDHISM
Buddhism is about getting enlightenment by getting out of the self. Many see it as a logical antidote to the ME obsession which brings unhappiness to many over-achievers. Richard Gere is buddies with the Dalai Lama and spends months on end visiting him in Tibet, staying in a tent, not the Llasa Hilton. Other Buddhists like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Patrick Duffy have built altars in their mansions in their practice of "loving kindness". A Hollywood Zen master on the payroll of the stars says: "In Buddhism, we study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by ALL things. All learning is unlearning. We must empty our mind of cherished notions and assumptions."
STEVEN SPIELBERG TEAMS UP WITH THE ANCIENTS
Steven Spielberg and Albert Einstein are both time travelers straddling a light beam. Both are mystics who plugged into the past to see the future. (That's how it's done folks. So be nice to the elderly!)
The five-tone vibration heard in Close Encounters was first heard by the ancient Greek mathematician Pythagoras. He discovered this five-tone scale and called it "The Music of the Spheres". As the 2,000 year old tale goes, no one but Pythagoras could hear this universal tone. But one day we would ALL hear it when we lived in harmony with ourselves and with each other.
So by having everyone hear this five-vibration tone emanating from the spaceship,
Spielberg shows us that the future comes to teach us what the ancients ALREADY knew.
In the movie ET, the ancient art of hands on healing is shown in a modern world. The positive energy from ET's lit finger touches and heals the little boy's cut finger. The little boy's profession of love tranforms the dying ET back to life and turns on his heart light. Spielberg, ever the avatar, shows us the timelessness of love as the alchemist for ALL miracles.
Oprah Winfrey says she's experienced amost 200 miracles since deciding to live in love. "I now approach EVERY single incident and person in my life as an opportunity to love and weave a web of goodness." This Christmas, Oprah and best friend Gayle King will be in South Africa setting up a school for orphaned, poor girls to train them to be tomorrow's leaders.
Secrets to a fabulous life...
Touched by an Angel was a huge hit because people ALWAYS feel good about love: heavenly and earthly. In a fast paced, perplexing world, a positive constant is reassuring. Everything and everybody and everyplace in every era are connected on the golden web of love that is manifested through signposts, prayer, intuition and the miracle of overcoming all adversity through faith in good.
As Penny Marshall says about her friend, Rosie O'Donnell: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
Have a fabulous and exciting Holiday Season!! Enjoy the ride...
(c) 2006, Sistarrs International
P.S. May we squeal our heartfelt condolences to George Clooney on the loss of his significant other of 18 years...his potbellied pet pig Max. Gorgeous George admits to this being his longest relationship ever. But let's face it, Hog Heaven is a far better place than here for the arthritic, partially blind porcine partner. Max saved George during the 1994 earthquake when he oinked the star awake in their bed minutes before catastrophe struck. George's epitaph for Max should be what he once told reporters: "I love eating at Jewish restaurants. I can't stand anyone who'd eat a pig." RIP you menschy pig!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
KRAMER IN THE KRAPPER
Michael Richards joined the Mel Gibson chapter of Bigots Not So Anonymous last Saturday night at West Hollywood's "Laugh Factory" when he threw despicable racial epithets at an audience member who didn't think the comedian's act funny.
We've viewed the exclusive footage footage obtained by TMZ and feel that full disclosure without any censoring is important for fans of Richards' to make an informed decision as to their idol's REAL character.
The guy who played the lovable buffoon Kramer in the smash TV sitcom Seinfeld went ballistic when a black man yelled out: "My friend doesn't think your funny!" Suddenly things went right into the toilet as Richards channeled a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard and took a huge dump on the audience member. He screamed: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f****ing fork up your ass"
Continuing his shocking stream of racial venom and profanities, the imploding comic spewed his toxic waste. "Throw his ass out! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look there's a nigger!"
One of the club patrons who was being insulted, shouted back: "That was uncalled for...un***ing called for..."
The crowd was visibly and audibly upset, to which Richards responds: "They're gonna arrest me for calling a black man a nigger?"
Most of the audience appeared to leave as it eventually sunk in that a lynching by language is no laughing matter.
This incident comes as no surprise to us. Five years ago, a Hollywood producer told us: "Michael Richards is the most miserable, unhappy man in this town."
Michael Richards and Mel Gibson should be exiled to "Fantasy Island" for all eternity with a single box of stale matzoh slathered with out-of-date chitlins and a toilet that doesn't flush, to be shared WITH Adolf Hitler, Jesse Helms and the evangelical hypocrite Reverend Ted Haggard.
TomKat Wedding: Long kiss...short bliss?
As Santayana once theorized: "Those who do not remember the past are bound to repeat it."
Globe trotting, out of this world Scientologist Tom Cruise reportedly kissed his bride, the talented, formerly unchained independent star known as Katie Holmes, for an embarrassingly long three plus minutes. Georgio Armani, who designed the $2.5 million gown, tattled about the "never-ending" kiss that had guests begging for a peckectomy (removal of a perpetual lip lock).
The newlyweds might be staying in the Eternal City, but Tom's memory is short.
Remember the glitzy, gaudy nuptials of the allegedly gay David Gest and Liza Minnelli, the superstar diva with a lavender family tree...A gay grandfather (Judy Garland's father), a gay father (MGM director Vincente Minnelli) and a gay ex-husband (the late and great Peter Allen). Well, this odd couple's marriage lasted for less time than the "kiss the bride" buss which appalled ALL of the guests and had hapless TV viewers heading for the vomitorium.
So, okay, we are not convinced that a long wedding kiss means connubial bliss.
While Liza invited the whole world and a few extraterrestials to her wedding, Tom conspicuously left talking show queens Oprah and Barbara Walters off the coveted guest list. Hey, you have a real "Mission Impossible", Tom...getting back in their good graces. Walters says you swore to invite her, and what's up with dissing Oprah? Do you blame her for YOUR jumping on the couch meltdown? She didn't do anything...the culprit was the springs in your elevator shoes! Good move, lovebirds, inviting Poster Mom Brooke Shields, the target of Tom's post-partum drug tirade. We hope her writer hubby Chris Henchy, is penning a fabulous satire to rival the brilliant Christopher Guest's work.
By the way, speculation is rampant about the official wedding photo which has the vertically challenged superstar Tom the same height as his statuesque hostage, oops, we mean bride. Some theories: She's bending her knees under the wedding dress. She took off her shoes or is standing in a ditch. They dug a hole where Katie is standing and Tom had to step on Giorgio Armani's cigar box collection.
The honeymoon in the remote Maldives will be attended by their best man, the head of the Church of Scientology. No kidding!
We have a beef with the $2.5 million wedding dress with thousands of hand sewn beads. There is an Italian seamstress that is NOW legally blind, and at least two African nations that could've fed their starving citizenry for a few years. TomKat, international PR wisdom says: "Get thee to a Malawi orphanage, anon!"
SUNDAY IS WORLD TOILET DAY...
**The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year or 6 to 8 times a day. You spend about three years in the toilet (unless you're Michael Richards).
**When Madonna performed last year on the German TV show Wetten Dass, she refused to use their toilets. The show's producers had to use a crane to bring Madonna's own personal huge luxury toilet into the grounds.
**A woman spends, on average, three times longer than a man on each toilet visit, yet there are usually the same number of public toilets for men and women. Girls Unite! More Johns!
**Queen Elizabeth has to have a new toilet seat EVERYWHERE she visits. It is then destroyed if she "goes" and makes Number One and/or Number Two.
SINGAPORE...WHERE ETIQUETTE REIGNS SUPREME
In the Chinese city where you get your ass caned for littering and for graffiti, they take enforcing good manners to a whole new dimension. In Singapore, it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.
Early Christmas Joke
The three wise men show up to visit the child in the stable. One of the Magi, the good King Balthazar, was Shaq O'Neal tall. He banged his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down," Joseph told Mary. "It beats Murray!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines...
We've viewed the exclusive footage footage obtained by TMZ and feel that full disclosure without any censoring is important for fans of Richards' to make an informed decision as to their idol's REAL character.
The guy who played the lovable buffoon Kramer in the smash TV sitcom Seinfeld went ballistic when a black man yelled out: "My friend doesn't think your funny!" Suddenly things went right into the toilet as Richards channeled a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard and took a huge dump on the audience member. He screamed: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f****ing fork up your ass"
Continuing his shocking stream of racial venom and profanities, the imploding comic spewed his toxic waste. "Throw his ass out! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look there's a nigger!"
One of the club patrons who was being insulted, shouted back: "That was uncalled for...un***ing called for..."
The crowd was visibly and audibly upset, to which Richards responds: "They're gonna arrest me for calling a black man a nigger?"
Most of the audience appeared to leave as it eventually sunk in that a lynching by language is no laughing matter.
This incident comes as no surprise to us. Five years ago, a Hollywood producer told us: "Michael Richards is the most miserable, unhappy man in this town."
Michael Richards and Mel Gibson should be exiled to "Fantasy Island" for all eternity with a single box of stale matzoh slathered with out-of-date chitlins and a toilet that doesn't flush, to be shared WITH Adolf Hitler, Jesse Helms and the evangelical hypocrite Reverend Ted Haggard.
TomKat Wedding: Long kiss...short bliss?
As Santayana once theorized: "Those who do not remember the past are bound to repeat it."
Globe trotting, out of this world Scientologist Tom Cruise reportedly kissed his bride, the talented, formerly unchained independent star known as Katie Holmes, for an embarrassingly long three plus minutes. Georgio Armani, who designed the $2.5 million gown, tattled about the "never-ending" kiss that had guests begging for a peckectomy (removal of a perpetual lip lock).
The newlyweds might be staying in the Eternal City, but Tom's memory is short.
Remember the glitzy, gaudy nuptials of the allegedly gay David Gest and Liza Minnelli, the superstar diva with a lavender family tree...A gay grandfather (Judy Garland's father), a gay father (MGM director Vincente Minnelli) and a gay ex-husband (the late and great Peter Allen). Well, this odd couple's marriage lasted for less time than the "kiss the bride" buss which appalled ALL of the guests and had hapless TV viewers heading for the vomitorium.
So, okay, we are not convinced that a long wedding kiss means connubial bliss.
While Liza invited the whole world and a few extraterrestials to her wedding, Tom conspicuously left talking show queens Oprah and Barbara Walters off the coveted guest list. Hey, you have a real "Mission Impossible", Tom...getting back in their good graces. Walters says you swore to invite her, and what's up with dissing Oprah? Do you blame her for YOUR jumping on the couch meltdown? She didn't do anything...the culprit was the springs in your elevator shoes! Good move, lovebirds, inviting Poster Mom Brooke Shields, the target of Tom's post-partum drug tirade. We hope her writer hubby Chris Henchy, is penning a fabulous satire to rival the brilliant Christopher Guest's work.
By the way, speculation is rampant about the official wedding photo which has the vertically challenged superstar Tom the same height as his statuesque hostage, oops, we mean bride. Some theories: She's bending her knees under the wedding dress. She took off her shoes or is standing in a ditch. They dug a hole where Katie is standing and Tom had to step on Giorgio Armani's cigar box collection.
The honeymoon in the remote Maldives will be attended by their best man, the head of the Church of Scientology. No kidding!
We have a beef with the $2.5 million wedding dress with thousands of hand sewn beads. There is an Italian seamstress that is NOW legally blind, and at least two African nations that could've fed their starving citizenry for a few years. TomKat, international PR wisdom says: "Get thee to a Malawi orphanage, anon!"
SUNDAY IS WORLD TOILET DAY...
**The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year or 6 to 8 times a day. You spend about three years in the toilet (unless you're Michael Richards).
**When Madonna performed last year on the German TV show Wetten Dass, she refused to use their toilets. The show's producers had to use a crane to bring Madonna's own personal huge luxury toilet into the grounds.
**A woman spends, on average, three times longer than a man on each toilet visit, yet there are usually the same number of public toilets for men and women. Girls Unite! More Johns!
**Queen Elizabeth has to have a new toilet seat EVERYWHERE she visits. It is then destroyed if she "goes" and makes Number One and/or Number Two.
SINGAPORE...WHERE ETIQUETTE REIGNS SUPREME
In the Chinese city where you get your ass caned for littering and for graffiti, they take enforcing good manners to a whole new dimension. In Singapore, it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.
Early Christmas Joke
The three wise men show up to visit the child in the stable. One of the Magi, the good King Balthazar, was Shaq O'Neal tall. He banged his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down," Joseph told Mary. "It beats Murray!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
COURT TO BRITNEY: SEXPOTS CAN'T SUE
A Los Angeles judge tossed out Britney Spears' defamation lawsuit against US Weekly for
publishing rumors that she and her husband Kevin Federline had made a sex videotape.
The story appeared in the glossy tabloid on Oct. 17, 2005: "Brit and Kev: Secret Sex Tape? New parents have new worry."
Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole ruled that the pop tart with the hypersexed public image cannot be defamed by this published report as, "the plaintiff herself has put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye."
Let's get real! In this day and age, it's hardly actionable to allege that someone has made a sex videotape. Britney can't have it both ways. She's tongued Madonna in front of millions at the Grammy Awards, filmed her cheater husband stark naked for millions of reality show
gawkers and dressed like a lascivious Lolita strip queen for most of her uber-successful shows. If anyone has a beef it's PETA advocate Pamela Anderson. She had a private tape of her and well-hung hubby, Tommy "The Salami" Lee, stolen from her home and sold over the Internet for megamillions. She lost her lawsuit. Talk about a raw deal!!
BEWARE OF PREACHERS AND SELF HELP GURUS DOING TIME
Oy vey, the latest ordained-by-mail jailhouse minister is none other than Lindsay Lohan's
career criminal dad, Michael, reports Cindy Adams of the New York Post. (See our podcast and blog on "Stars with Jailbird Dads") After a 20 year career of stock fraud, vicious assaults, death threats against his family, and a losing battle with drugs and alcohol, this loser has now been "saved".
"I've taken a Bible college mail course from Global University and been ordained in the Assemblies of God Ministry. When I'm out, I'll be a minister. The pastor in prison works with me. Maybe that's why all this happened, why I'm here. To help people."
The jailbird dad, who's just been denied parole, is talking to the New York literary agent who represents Barack Obama and Judge Judy about a how-to, self-help, pop culture, inspirational, "I've been saved and seen the light" book.
To think, they remove voiceboxes from poor peacocks just so that they remain a thing of beauty, silent and not screeching in their high octave squawk. And this creepy dad can't be shut up even in prison. Luckily for the family, he has to do at least another 10 months before he breaks out with a book and a weekly visit to his parole officer. The publishing industry seems to be in one of the deeper circles of Dante's hell. Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson are now bestselling authors...
MEANWHILE LINDSAY GETS A RAVE REVIEW
"She's a sweetheart. She's in the eye of the storm all the time. We expect maybe too much from her privately. We want her to be sexy and then demure on demand. She's just doing what every 19 or 20 year old is doing. But very professional on the set."
Joshua Jackson, co-star on the movie "Bobby" with Lindsay Lohan
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
Joe DiMaggio's niece June claims in her new book, "Marilyn, Joe and Me" that Marilyn Monroe was talking on the phone with her mother 36 years ago when assassins crept into the blonde sex goddess' disheveled bedroom, attacked her and stuffed a fatal Nembutal suppository up her rectum. June DiMaggio alleges that the notorious Chicago Mafioso Sam Giancana, a lover of Monroe's, was behind the hit, which was ordered to permanently shut up the drug addled, boozed up, loose lipped star.
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. There was no indication in the coroner's report that the sleeping pills entered her bloodstream from the usual oral intake, and the phone was found off the hook. Why was her psychiatrist called first by the housekeeper and not an ambulance. Hours later when an ambulance was called, they took her body out only to be summoned back to the house. Marilyn's corpse was then positioned on the bed to await the arrival of the police.
MADONNA TAKES NEW SON TO VISIT AILING DAD
PerezHilton.com reported two weeks ago that Madonna's father is suffering from cancer.
New world traveler, little David Banda Ciccone Ritchie, accompanied by his siblings Lourdes and Rocco, will be visiting the Material Girl's ailing dad in Michigan and meet his new grandpa.
Kudos to Madonna! The baby is a welcome addition to her family and is being treated as such. Alot of celebs leave their kids home with the nanny, but not ubermensch mom Madonna. Brava!!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Only the good girls keep diaries. The bad girls don't have time."
Tallulah Bankhead, a raunchy southern belle who by her own admission was: "...as
pure as the driven slush."
KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS ON eBay
A Michigan woman won't be charged after trying to sell mummified human remains on eBay.
The remains were once part of a Scottish anatomist's collection that came to the U.S. in 1820.
And that's a wrap!
Now, be the FIRST to go out and dish the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines...AND vote!!
publishing rumors that she and her husband Kevin Federline had made a sex videotape.
The story appeared in the glossy tabloid on Oct. 17, 2005: "Brit and Kev: Secret Sex Tape? New parents have new worry."
Superior Court Judge Lisa Hart Cole ruled that the pop tart with the hypersexed public image cannot be defamed by this published report as, "the plaintiff herself has put her modern sexuality squarely, and profitably, before the public eye."
Let's get real! In this day and age, it's hardly actionable to allege that someone has made a sex videotape. Britney can't have it both ways. She's tongued Madonna in front of millions at the Grammy Awards, filmed her cheater husband stark naked for millions of reality show
gawkers and dressed like a lascivious Lolita strip queen for most of her uber-successful shows. If anyone has a beef it's PETA advocate Pamela Anderson. She had a private tape of her and well-hung hubby, Tommy "The Salami" Lee, stolen from her home and sold over the Internet for megamillions. She lost her lawsuit. Talk about a raw deal!!
BEWARE OF PREACHERS AND SELF HELP GURUS DOING TIME
Oy vey, the latest ordained-by-mail jailhouse minister is none other than Lindsay Lohan's
career criminal dad, Michael, reports Cindy Adams of the New York Post. (See our podcast and blog on "Stars with Jailbird Dads") After a 20 year career of stock fraud, vicious assaults, death threats against his family, and a losing battle with drugs and alcohol, this loser has now been "saved".
"I've taken a Bible college mail course from Global University and been ordained in the Assemblies of God Ministry. When I'm out, I'll be a minister. The pastor in prison works with me. Maybe that's why all this happened, why I'm here. To help people."
The jailbird dad, who's just been denied parole, is talking to the New York literary agent who represents Barack Obama and Judge Judy about a how-to, self-help, pop culture, inspirational, "I've been saved and seen the light" book.
To think, they remove voiceboxes from poor peacocks just so that they remain a thing of beauty, silent and not screeching in their high octave squawk. And this creepy dad can't be shut up even in prison. Luckily for the family, he has to do at least another 10 months before he breaks out with a book and a weekly visit to his parole officer. The publishing industry seems to be in one of the deeper circles of Dante's hell. Paris Hilton and Pam Anderson are now bestselling authors...
MEANWHILE LINDSAY GETS A RAVE REVIEW
"She's a sweetheart. She's in the eye of the storm all the time. We expect maybe too much from her privately. We want her to be sexy and then demure on demand. She's just doing what every 19 or 20 year old is doing. But very professional on the set."
Joshua Jackson, co-star on the movie "Bobby" with Lindsay Lohan
DO YOU BELIEVE THIS?
Joe DiMaggio's niece June claims in her new book, "Marilyn, Joe and Me" that Marilyn Monroe was talking on the phone with her mother 36 years ago when assassins crept into the blonde sex goddess' disheveled bedroom, attacked her and stuffed a fatal Nembutal suppository up her rectum. June DiMaggio alleges that the notorious Chicago Mafioso Sam Giancana, a lover of Monroe's, was behind the hit, which was ordered to permanently shut up the drug addled, boozed up, loose lipped star.
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. There was no indication in the coroner's report that the sleeping pills entered her bloodstream from the usual oral intake, and the phone was found off the hook. Why was her psychiatrist called first by the housekeeper and not an ambulance. Hours later when an ambulance was called, they took her body out only to be summoned back to the house. Marilyn's corpse was then positioned on the bed to await the arrival of the police.
MADONNA TAKES NEW SON TO VISIT AILING DAD
PerezHilton.com reported two weeks ago that Madonna's father is suffering from cancer.
New world traveler, little David Banda Ciccone Ritchie, accompanied by his siblings Lourdes and Rocco, will be visiting the Material Girl's ailing dad in Michigan and meet his new grandpa.
Kudos to Madonna! The baby is a welcome addition to her family and is being treated as such. Alot of celebs leave their kids home with the nanny, but not ubermensch mom Madonna. Brava!!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Only the good girls keep diaries. The bad girls don't have time."
Tallulah Bankhead, a raunchy southern belle who by her own admission was: "...as
pure as the driven slush."
KIDS, DON'T TRY THIS ON eBay
A Michigan woman won't be charged after trying to sell mummified human remains on eBay.
The remains were once part of a Scottish anatomist's collection that came to the U.S. in 1820.
And that's a wrap!
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Thursday, November 02, 2006
MAZEL TOV TO MADONNA'S NEW SON
Little David Banda Ciccone Richie is soon to be blessed with some mighty colorful godparents. Mother Madonna has announced that the ceremony is gonna be a strictly lavender affair with the designated godparents being the openly gay hunky actor Rupert Everett and the gorgeous lesbian Queen of Miami Nightclubs Ingrid Cassares. Madonna and Ingrid had a torrid affair years back and it's nice to see folks can still be friends after a breakup.
We think it's time for everyone to back off and wish the little tyke well in his new plush surroundings. Madonna told Meredith Viera on "Dateline" yesterday that she offered in court to give the father money to support himself and his son and he refused. The Kabbalah kiddie book writer also saved the adorable toddler from certain death after she took him from the orphanage for medical tests and it was revealed he had pneumonia. You gotta ask yourself: "Is David better off today than he was 30 days ago in Malawi?" It's a resounding YES, so let's all bugger off and let the kid get used to a life with no TV, no sweets, British nannies and a mum who will never let ennui creep into his life...
REESE'S MARRIAGE IN PIECES
After 7 years of connubial canoodling, the marriage of barely post-pubescent Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe is kaput. The couple's been in marriage counseling for a few years. They met as actors just starting out, but her career soared while his took a snail's pace to get into mainstream movies. Reports are the divorce could be complicated as Reese now makes $29 million per picture and TMZ reports that there is NO prenup agreement.
Apparently hubby Ryan got a 7 year itch on the set of Clint Eastwood's Flags of Our Fathers. He publicly played footsies (and with other body parts) with Aussie co-star Abbie Cornish in an Austin, Texas Asian restaurant. Showing a smidgen of class, the cheater decided not to use "the sake made me do it" defense. According to US magazine, when confronted by Reese, Ryan admitted it was true and said to his wife: "We need to end this." This was no Freudian slip, but marital suicide by tabloid as Mr. Reese openly immolated himself in the heat of passion.
According to New York Post columnist Liz Smith: "Not only have rumors of trouble buzzed around for several years, but the couple disagreed loudly at the recent Flags of Our Fathers screening in NYC...It was very Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?(An Edward Albee play showing the loud, violent, abusive, boozy disintegration of a marriage. The movie version starred Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in a reenactment of their own conjugal life together).
Smith goes on to observe: "Miss Witherspoon, who can be a bit, ah, controlling and edgy under the determined blonde perk, seemed especially preoccupied that night."
We never suspected that Reese Witherspoon was at all like other mere mortals. To us, she's the modern day corollary of Audrey Hepburn: bright, impish, strong, determined, down to earth, yet regal, a velvet steamroller of a pixie. Everyone was rooting for this very young couple to make it despite the odds. May the gods of divorce grant you peace and dignity young lovers.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I want to go to Africa. It's a place where you can really help people. And I'm into safari animals."
Kevin Federline, Mr. Britney Spears and prodigious sperm donor. Warning to anyone contemplating buying K-Fed's album, "Playing with Fire": YOU WILL GET BURNED.
SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATOR...NOT!!
The Sunshine State's wildlife officials have decided to turn the tables on the alligator population which has been devouring joggers and hikers and sundry other Floridians. The beast bureaucrats are recommending that homeowners be allowed to kill the raging reptiles
that sneakily slither onto their property. There is one caveat: selling the alligator will not be allowed, but having a backyard barbequed alligator luai is kosher under the proposed law.
SURPRISE! BIG BUSINESS TITANS CAN BE CRIMINALS
Forget the Enron gangsters, Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling, the crooked CPA head honcho at Tyco, Dennis Koslowski, and the infamous Bernie Ebbers of Worldcom. The groundwork for crooked CEOs has its foundation in the Roaring 20's, when crime bosses Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky rebuilt the Mafia into a corporate structure, a board of directors and a systematic infiltration of legitimate businesses. The Mob became richer than all the Top Ten American Corporations combined.
Lucky Luciano and Meyer Lansky then teamed up with the U.S. government during World War II. The underworld brokered a deal to get dockworkers, fishermen and hoodlums under Mob control to become the eyes and ears for naval intelligence. As a result, 8 German spies who landed in a U boat off the New York coast were arrested. An imprisoned Luciano got some much need intelligence for the government from his paisans in Sicily for the Allied invasion of Italy. Lucky Luciano was eventually pardoned and deported for his help.
In a somewhat prophetic observation, Luciano said in 1955 he learned much from his experiences. "Next time I'd do it legal. I learned too late that you need just as good a brain to make a crooked million as an honest million. These days you apply for a license to steal from the public. If I had my time again, I'd make sure I'd got that license first."
Excerpted from "Cheat Sheets for Life", (c) 2005, Sistarrs International
Now, be the FIRST to go out and dish the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines..
Monday, October 30, 2006
HOCUS POCUS...
Some Halloween magic for our readers. Abe Lincoln once said: "Most people are as happy as they make up their mind to be." This from a depressive who didn't have Prozac to help elevate his mood and married a bipolar who shopped 'til HE dropped. Belief is the magic key. We can live a life of dreams fulfilled or dreams denied. It all depends on what you believe. Here's a great true story to inspire one and all.
Actress Kathy Nijimy (Sister Act, Veronica's Closet) was a 300 lb. teenager who dreamed of being like her two idols: Gloria Steinen and Bette Midler. She plastered her bedroom with their photos. She visualized being in the same room with Steinem and acting with Bette Midler one day. Well, a now slim Nijimy co-starred with Midler in the Disney film, Hocus Pocus, and a year later she was married by Gloria Steinem in her parents' living room in San Diego!
Excerpted from "Cheat Sheets for Life", (c) 2006, Sistarrs International
A HARD DAY'S WORK
Paul McCartney''s succeeded in quelling publication of 15 hours of tapes in which his late wife, Linda McCartney, allegedly vents to her friend and fellow vegan activist, Peter Cox , about her 20 year marriage. A friend of Heather Mills told Britain's Daily Mirror that Sir Paul's amputee wife is planning on calling Cox as a witness if things get messy. Mills' side alleges that the former Beatle was abusive toward both women.
Let Linda sing from beyond the grave. Her audio diary could give her the Number One hit she so craved outside of her famous husband's shadow. Free Linda McCartney At Long Last!!
STELLA RAGES ABOUT HEATHER'S DESIGNS
The News of the World alleges that Sir Paul's pregnant fashion designer daughter, Stella McCartney, went ballistic after hearing that Heather Mills claimed her father hit her late mother, Linda.
"I'm going to kill that bitch!" she screamed." I told you she was a bitch. Why did you marry her?" Stella demanded of her father. "She's been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won't be happy until she destroys all of us, and our memories of our mother,"
Actress Kathy Nijimy (Sister Act, Veronica's Closet) was a 300 lb. teenager who dreamed of being like her two idols: Gloria Steinen and Bette Midler. She plastered her bedroom with their photos. She visualized being in the same room with Steinem and acting with Bette Midler one day. Well, a now slim Nijimy co-starred with Midler in the Disney film, Hocus Pocus, and a year later she was married by Gloria Steinem in her parents' living room in San Diego!
Excerpted from "Cheat Sheets for Life", (c) 2006, Sistarrs International
A HARD DAY'S WORK
Paul McCartney''s succeeded in quelling publication of 15 hours of tapes in which his late wife, Linda McCartney, allegedly vents to her friend and fellow vegan activist, Peter Cox , about her 20 year marriage. A friend of Heather Mills told Britain's Daily Mirror that Sir Paul's amputee wife is planning on calling Cox as a witness if things get messy. Mills' side alleges that the former Beatle was abusive toward both women.
Let Linda sing from beyond the grave. Her audio diary could give her the Number One hit she so craved outside of her famous husband's shadow. Free Linda McCartney At Long Last!!
STELLA RAGES ABOUT HEATHER'S DESIGNS
The News of the World alleges that Sir Paul's pregnant fashion designer daughter, Stella McCartney, went ballistic after hearing that Heather Mills claimed her father hit her late mother, Linda.
"I'm going to kill that bitch!" she screamed." I told you she was a bitch. Why did you marry her?" Stella demanded of her father. "She's been a manipulative cow from day one. The cow won't be happy until she destroys all of us, and our memories of our mother,"
Heather raged.
There are reports that Sir Paul, 64, is drinking heavily and that Stella is under such strain that she has high blood pressure, putting her pregnancy in jeopardy. Stella is so disgusted by the blonde ex-model, she compared her to a pile of vomit, calling her morning sickness, "Heathering".
Alot of people who know the current Lady Paul McCartney say that she makes them sick, too. This long list includes Heather's own father who has volunteered to testify as to her lack of character and honesty on behalf of Sir Paul. This is sure a stomach turning divorce, but great fodder for the world's tabloids. Let's face it, the legendary, deified former Beatle proves that tired old adage: "There's no fool like an old fool." No prenup, Sir Paul. What were you thinking? Oops, sorry, you weren't...
NAOMI CAMPBELL TO JOIN MEL GIBSON IN BOOZE EXCUZE?
According to the London tabloid The Daily Mail, 36 year old runway rageaholic Naomi Campbell was drunk and overcome by fears when she allegedly went off the deep end and attacked her female drug counselor. The sepia stunner was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of causing bodily harm after the counselor turmed up with bloody scratches down her face.
Enough of the booze excuze...how about taking responsibility for bad character, underdeveloped social intelligence and overdeveloped ego based on nothing sane and rational? Get thee to a 12 step program and volunteer for clean up...the room's and YOURS.
MADONNA AND CHILD FLY TO MEDIA BLITZ
Little David Banda Ciccone Ritchie is barely out a poverty stricken Malawi orphanage a week, and he's already a jetsetter. Madonna flew David and his new siblings, Lourdes, 9, and Rocco, 5, from London to New York yesterday for several days of filming TV interviews with major U.S. networks. Mommydonna is promoting her new children's book and NBC TV special, but it is David's controversial adoption that will be front and center in the media spotlight.
LET'S RAP EMINEM
Proving there ain't no gentlemen in the poetic world of rap, Eminem, decided to kiss & tell this week. He revealed on his Sirius Satellite Radio Show, "Shade 45" that he shtupped Tara Reid, Mariah Carey, Brittany Murphy and, ta-dah...Britney Spears! Ladies, may we suggest making a one-time exception and actually reading a book: "The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives"?!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"If you're coasting, you're goin' downhill."
Richard Branson, billionaire entrepreneur & founder/CEO, Virgin International
MACABRE 007...EMBALMED, NOT STIRRED...
Here's a new take on body art. Better make that a double take (or a double, period). German artist Gunther von Hagens is using corpses in various stages of dissection to recreate a poker-playing scene in the upcoming James Bond film, Casino Royale. The cadavers, including one that will be made up to resemble new 007 actor Daniel Craig, will be exhibited at the Plastinarium in Guben, Germany. Marsha Kranes, Wire Services
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
There are reports that Sir Paul, 64, is drinking heavily and that Stella is under such strain that she has high blood pressure, putting her pregnancy in jeopardy. Stella is so disgusted by the blonde ex-model, she compared her to a pile of vomit, calling her morning sickness, "Heathering".
Alot of people who know the current Lady Paul McCartney say that she makes them sick, too. This long list includes Heather's own father who has volunteered to testify as to her lack of character and honesty on behalf of Sir Paul. This is sure a stomach turning divorce, but great fodder for the world's tabloids. Let's face it, the legendary, deified former Beatle proves that tired old adage: "There's no fool like an old fool." No prenup, Sir Paul. What were you thinking? Oops, sorry, you weren't...
NAOMI CAMPBELL TO JOIN MEL GIBSON IN BOOZE EXCUZE?
According to the London tabloid The Daily Mail, 36 year old runway rageaholic Naomi Campbell was drunk and overcome by fears when she allegedly went off the deep end and attacked her female drug counselor. The sepia stunner was arrested on Wednesday on suspicion of causing bodily harm after the counselor turmed up with bloody scratches down her face.
Enough of the booze excuze...how about taking responsibility for bad character, underdeveloped social intelligence and overdeveloped ego based on nothing sane and rational? Get thee to a 12 step program and volunteer for clean up...the room's and YOURS.
MADONNA AND CHILD FLY TO MEDIA BLITZ
Little David Banda Ciccone Ritchie is barely out a poverty stricken Malawi orphanage a week, and he's already a jetsetter. Madonna flew David and his new siblings, Lourdes, 9, and Rocco, 5, from London to New York yesterday for several days of filming TV interviews with major U.S. networks. Mommydonna is promoting her new children's book and NBC TV special, but it is David's controversial adoption that will be front and center in the media spotlight.
LET'S RAP EMINEM
Proving there ain't no gentlemen in the poetic world of rap, Eminem, decided to kiss & tell this week. He revealed on his Sirius Satellite Radio Show, "Shade 45" that he shtupped Tara Reid, Mariah Carey, Brittany Murphy and, ta-dah...Britney Spears! Ladies, may we suggest making a one-time exception and actually reading a book: "The Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives"?!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"If you're coasting, you're goin' downhill."
Richard Branson, billionaire entrepreneur & founder/CEO, Virgin International
MACABRE 007...EMBALMED, NOT STIRRED...
Here's a new take on body art. Better make that a double take (or a double, period). German artist Gunther von Hagens is using corpses in various stages of dissection to recreate a poker-playing scene in the upcoming James Bond film, Casino Royale. The cadavers, including one that will be made up to resemble new 007 actor Daniel Craig, will be exhibited at the Plastinarium in Guben, Germany. Marsha Kranes, Wire Services
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Monday, October 23, 2006
MADONNA'S BABY DADDY CRIES FOUL
After an international ping pong match between new adoptive mom Madonna, the world press and outraged international adoption rights groups, Babydonna now has another volley to return. Seems Yohane Banda, the birth dad of 13-month old David, now claims he wasn't fully informed that he was relinquishing legal custody of his child permanently. "I am just realizing the meaning of 'adoption'," the illiterate Banda told the press. "If we were told she wants to take the baby as her own, we would not have consented, because I see no reason I should give up my son." However, the Malawi farmer added that he does not want his son returned to the orphanage.
Fear not concerned citizens of the world! It has just been announced that Madonna will explain all to us Oct. 25th through the benevolent god of talk shows, Oprah Winfrey. We'd like to ask the Material Girl, known in certain circles as Esther, a few questions of our own. (1) With your iconoclastic view of the Catholic Church and its foibles, how could you take a missionary position in regard to your $3 donation to Malawi schools & orphanages, stipulating that teaching Kabbalah to kids is a condition for the gift? (2) Is it true that you were set to adopt a California orphan until a dinner with Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt convinced you to adopt an African tot? (3) Have you consulted Mia Farrow who began adopting Third World and disabled tots in the 60's and ended up with 13 children? (4) Is channeling entertainer extraordinaire and ex-patriate (like yourself) Josephine Baker on your "must do" list? Baker fled racism in '20s America to find fame & glory in Paris dancing with only bananas around her waist. She went on to adopt 12 children of different ethnicities which she called her Rainbow Tribe to prove that different races could live in harmony. Viva adoptive show biz parents!!
ANNA NICOLE'S SON BURIED ON DAY 39
A cemetery in the Bahamas was the scene last Thursday afternoon for tragic Daniel Smith's burial. He was laid to rest in a mahogany casket wearing his favorite trucker cap and jeans. His mother ANNA NICOLE SMITH wore a couture mourner's outfit custom-made by the same designer who made her faux wedding gown. In the obscenely long period between Daniel's death from a drug overdose, his mother: (1) sold the last known photos of her son with his new baby sister for $600,000, (2) staged a fake wedding with her long time personal lawyer, claiming that he and not photographer Larry Birkhead is the baby's daddy. She sold those photos for close to a $1 million, (3) allegedly bribed the Bahamian government to fast track her citizenship application to avoid being legally forced to submit to paternity tests. Anna Nicole was heard screaming at Daniel's funeral: "I don't want a husband, I want my son!"
Here's a question we'd like to ask: Daniel took 7 times the prescribed dosage for both Zoloft and Methadone. He was depressed, that explains the antidepressants in his system. But where did he get the Methadone? Anna Nicole's been accused by the alleged father of her daughter, Larry Birkhead, of being a Methadone addict who was admitted to rehab in the 7th month of her pregnancy. Why is there no investigation as to how Daniel got the Methadone?
PARIS IS A SKANK AND A PRUDE...ISN'T THAT AN OXYMORON?
Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, ex-boyfriend of Paris Hilton, tattles to the British tabloid, News of the World, that the airhead heiress is not the bomb, but a sexual dud in bed because she was wasted on drugs. He told Georgina Dickinson that, "She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drinks to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out." He went on to say that she was so hooked on drugs that she smuggled it on airplanes in teddy bears!
Who says chivalry is dead?! Nick's reality show with the IQ challenged Carter clan is a red neck grudge match that never ends. It should be called "The Thrilla in Vanilla"...As for Paris' libido, we told you months ago that she herself admitted that she wasn't that into sex and that her boyfriends were sorely disappointed with having to wake her up in the middle of sex for a call on her sidekick...Paris liberate yourself. Close the shop to all foreign invaders for awhile.
TOM CRUISING FOR A BRUISING
It seems the actor's couch jumping and psychiatry bashing caused a mass exodus of lots of his fans. Even his apology to Brooke Shields after he publicly criticized her for taking medication for postpartum depression couldn't add luster to his tarnished image. Once Tom Cruise ranked among the 10 most popular stars in opinion polls by Marketing Evaluations Inc. He now ranks a bleak No. 650.
What a fascinating lesson in the power of today's Hollywood publicist. Once he fired his long-time publicist, Pat Kingsley, and hired his fellow Scientologist sister, all hell broke loose. Mr. Nice Guy or fanatical cultist with a superiority complex: will the real Tom Cruise please stand up, 3 inch lifts and all!
QUESTION OF THE DAY
Which Hollywood fitness fanatic and leading man has his hairline back thanks to surgery and Rogaine? Unfortunately, Mr. Stud Muffin now requires more Viagara than Hugh Hefner to flex a certain muscle for the ladies due to side effects of the drug treatment.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Honey, one inch less and he'd be the Queen of Hollywood."
Actress Carole Lombard, observing that size DOES count, during her marriage to the King of Hollywood, Clark Gable.
HAVING A GAS AT A POLITICAL RALLY VERBOTEN!!
Police in Poland have extended their dragnet and gone to Interpol for help in the search for a political dissident who passed gas when asked what he thought of the President. Hubert Hoffman, 45, charged with "contempt for the office of the head of state", failed to show up for his trial on the charge, setting off the manhunt.
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Fear not concerned citizens of the world! It has just been announced that Madonna will explain all to us Oct. 25th through the benevolent god of talk shows, Oprah Winfrey. We'd like to ask the Material Girl, known in certain circles as Esther, a few questions of our own. (1) With your iconoclastic view of the Catholic Church and its foibles, how could you take a missionary position in regard to your $3 donation to Malawi schools & orphanages, stipulating that teaching Kabbalah to kids is a condition for the gift? (2) Is it true that you were set to adopt a California orphan until a dinner with Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt convinced you to adopt an African tot? (3) Have you consulted Mia Farrow who began adopting Third World and disabled tots in the 60's and ended up with 13 children? (4) Is channeling entertainer extraordinaire and ex-patriate (like yourself) Josephine Baker on your "must do" list? Baker fled racism in '20s America to find fame & glory in Paris dancing with only bananas around her waist. She went on to adopt 12 children of different ethnicities which she called her Rainbow Tribe to prove that different races could live in harmony. Viva adoptive show biz parents!!
ANNA NICOLE'S SON BURIED ON DAY 39
A cemetery in the Bahamas was the scene last Thursday afternoon for tragic Daniel Smith's burial. He was laid to rest in a mahogany casket wearing his favorite trucker cap and jeans. His mother ANNA NICOLE SMITH wore a couture mourner's outfit custom-made by the same designer who made her faux wedding gown. In the obscenely long period between Daniel's death from a drug overdose, his mother: (1) sold the last known photos of her son with his new baby sister for $600,000, (2) staged a fake wedding with her long time personal lawyer, claiming that he and not photographer Larry Birkhead is the baby's daddy. She sold those photos for close to a $1 million, (3) allegedly bribed the Bahamian government to fast track her citizenship application to avoid being legally forced to submit to paternity tests. Anna Nicole was heard screaming at Daniel's funeral: "I don't want a husband, I want my son!"
Here's a question we'd like to ask: Daniel took 7 times the prescribed dosage for both Zoloft and Methadone. He was depressed, that explains the antidepressants in his system. But where did he get the Methadone? Anna Nicole's been accused by the alleged father of her daughter, Larry Birkhead, of being a Methadone addict who was admitted to rehab in the 7th month of her pregnancy. Why is there no investigation as to how Daniel got the Methadone?
PARIS IS A SKANK AND A PRUDE...ISN'T THAT AN OXYMORON?
Former Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, ex-boyfriend of Paris Hilton, tattles to the British tabloid, News of the World, that the airhead heiress is not the bomb, but a sexual dud in bed because she was wasted on drugs. He told Georgina Dickinson that, "She was a drunken prude who as far as I can see did not really like sex. She relied on drinks to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out." He went on to say that she was so hooked on drugs that she smuggled it on airplanes in teddy bears!
Who says chivalry is dead?! Nick's reality show with the IQ challenged Carter clan is a red neck grudge match that never ends. It should be called "The Thrilla in Vanilla"...As for Paris' libido, we told you months ago that she herself admitted that she wasn't that into sex and that her boyfriends were sorely disappointed with having to wake her up in the middle of sex for a call on her sidekick...Paris liberate yourself. Close the shop to all foreign invaders for awhile.
TOM CRUISING FOR A BRUISING
It seems the actor's couch jumping and psychiatry bashing caused a mass exodus of lots of his fans. Even his apology to Brooke Shields after he publicly criticized her for taking medication for postpartum depression couldn't add luster to his tarnished image. Once Tom Cruise ranked among the 10 most popular stars in opinion polls by Marketing Evaluations Inc. He now ranks a bleak No. 650.
What a fascinating lesson in the power of today's Hollywood publicist. Once he fired his long-time publicist, Pat Kingsley, and hired his fellow Scientologist sister, all hell broke loose. Mr. Nice Guy or fanatical cultist with a superiority complex: will the real Tom Cruise please stand up, 3 inch lifts and all!
QUESTION OF THE DAY
Which Hollywood fitness fanatic and leading man has his hairline back thanks to surgery and Rogaine? Unfortunately, Mr. Stud Muffin now requires more Viagara than Hugh Hefner to flex a certain muscle for the ladies due to side effects of the drug treatment.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
"Honey, one inch less and he'd be the Queen of Hollywood."
Actress Carole Lombard, observing that size DOES count, during her marriage to the King of Hollywood, Clark Gable.
HAVING A GAS AT A POLITICAL RALLY VERBOTEN!!
Police in Poland have extended their dragnet and gone to Interpol for help in the search for a political dissident who passed gas when asked what he thought of the President. Hubert Hoffman, 45, charged with "contempt for the office of the head of state", failed to show up for his trial on the charge, setting off the manhunt.
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Thursday, October 19, 2006
MADONNA: LET'S TALK TURKEY...
Lady Madonna is firmly entrenched in the British aristocracy and shares its love of bloodsports. Here's what New York Post columnist Cindy Adams says about that: "If you're not already up to your eyeballs in Madonna and her adoption, and her Africa and her kabbalah and what she's doing, here's more of what she's doing: She rents out her English estate Ashcombe House, give or take a few quid, for $20,000 a day. For pheasant shoots. Not peasants. Pheasants. Well, seems her gamekeeper decided they're running low on birds for these rich folks to kill, so he's importing more pheasants from the wilds of France. For shooting and killing purposes."
Now are we crazy or what, but isn't the Material Girl (and new tribal mom) a fanatical vegetarian who eschews violence as per the teachings of Kaballah which says that for every action, there is a reaction. Violence begets violence, etc. etc. Seems this week she's adhering to Ayn Rand's credo of the shameless worship money as a religion. Money begets more money. The ends justify the means, blah, blah, blah. Jeez, Madonna...oops, Esther, make up your mind: saint or money whore, oligarch or woman of the people.
You're givin' us vertigo!
MICHAEL JACKSON FINALLY TAKES OUR ADVICE
Ten years ago we told the King of Pop a move to Ireland would be good for his soul. The love and goodness of the Irish people and their hospitality cannot help but heal any troubled soul. The added ingredient of mysticism and ubiquitous legends just adds to the country's charm and allure. The Emerald Isle is a magical land where all kinds of transformations are indeed possible. We hope Michael will look up our dear friend, world famed Irish psychic Mary Malone, the most loving and talented spirit we've ever encountered here on earth.
Cindy Adams reports that, "While house-hunting in Ireland, Michael Jackson's renting in Youghal, County Cork, for six months. He took his nicely mannered kids to a local hotel where a wedding was in process. To those in charge, the children said politely, 'We're not allowed to eat sweets, but may we please taste the wedding cake?' The happy kids were fed giant gooey slabs but, unless they plan to do two ceremonies a week, these junior Jacksons won't ever be part of today's pediatric obese."
SANDRA BULLOCK, BRAD PITT...MOVIE STARS KISS & TELL ALL!
Famous actors are now talking about their first kiss. Sandra Bullock: "It was through the bedroom window. His friend got on all fours, and he stood on his pal's back to get high enough." Brad Pitt: I was in fourth grade. We actually made a plan, like this business deal, to meet in her garage. After a half hour of working up courage, I kissed her. Then I ran home..." Matthew McConaughey remembers: "Amy had braces, and my lip got caught." Denise Richards' first kiss was with a boy who'd had his front teeth removed the day before. Heather Graham, who is not known for being the sharpest tool in the shed, recounted: "I was 9. This boy I had a crush on said, 'If I give you a dollar, will you kiss me? I said, 'I don't know.' Then, 'What if I give you 50 cents?' I finally did it for free."
NEVADA BETS ON LEGALIZED POT
In another octopus-like move to corner ALL the world's revenue, voters in a state that already has legalized gambling and prostitution are gonna decide if they want to go into the marijuana business. If a ballot measure passes on Nov. 7, Nevada will be the first state to let adults possess up to an ounce of pot AND buy it at government-regulated pot shops.
Passing the bong while playing strip polka at the Bunny Ranch...Don't they do that already?!!
Anna Nicole Watch
Day 39. Daniel Smith remains unburied.
Quote of the day
"My daddy warned me about men and liquor, but he never mentioned women and cocaine."
Famed bisexual actress Tallulah Bankhead, a southern belle whose daddy was Speaker of the House in the U.S. House of Representatives (D-Alabama). The ultimate wild child, she slept with Greta Garbo and Hattie McDaniel, who played Mammy in "Gone With The Wind".
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down & dirty truths behind the headlines...
Now are we crazy or what, but isn't the Material Girl (and new tribal mom) a fanatical vegetarian who eschews violence as per the teachings of Kaballah which says that for every action, there is a reaction. Violence begets violence, etc. etc. Seems this week she's adhering to Ayn Rand's credo of the shameless worship money as a religion. Money begets more money. The ends justify the means, blah, blah, blah. Jeez, Madonna...oops, Esther, make up your mind: saint or money whore, oligarch or woman of the people.
You're givin' us vertigo!
MICHAEL JACKSON FINALLY TAKES OUR ADVICE
Ten years ago we told the King of Pop a move to Ireland would be good for his soul. The love and goodness of the Irish people and their hospitality cannot help but heal any troubled soul. The added ingredient of mysticism and ubiquitous legends just adds to the country's charm and allure. The Emerald Isle is a magical land where all kinds of transformations are indeed possible. We hope Michael will look up our dear friend, world famed Irish psychic Mary Malone, the most loving and talented spirit we've ever encountered here on earth.
Cindy Adams reports that, "While house-hunting in Ireland, Michael Jackson's renting in Youghal, County Cork, for six months. He took his nicely mannered kids to a local hotel where a wedding was in process. To those in charge, the children said politely, 'We're not allowed to eat sweets, but may we please taste the wedding cake?' The happy kids were fed giant gooey slabs but, unless they plan to do two ceremonies a week, these junior Jacksons won't ever be part of today's pediatric obese."
SANDRA BULLOCK, BRAD PITT...MOVIE STARS KISS & TELL ALL!
Famous actors are now talking about their first kiss. Sandra Bullock: "It was through the bedroom window. His friend got on all fours, and he stood on his pal's back to get high enough." Brad Pitt: I was in fourth grade. We actually made a plan, like this business deal, to meet in her garage. After a half hour of working up courage, I kissed her. Then I ran home..." Matthew McConaughey remembers: "Amy had braces, and my lip got caught." Denise Richards' first kiss was with a boy who'd had his front teeth removed the day before. Heather Graham, who is not known for being the sharpest tool in the shed, recounted: "I was 9. This boy I had a crush on said, 'If I give you a dollar, will you kiss me? I said, 'I don't know.' Then, 'What if I give you 50 cents?' I finally did it for free."
NEVADA BETS ON LEGALIZED POT
In another octopus-like move to corner ALL the world's revenue, voters in a state that already has legalized gambling and prostitution are gonna decide if they want to go into the marijuana business. If a ballot measure passes on Nov. 7, Nevada will be the first state to let adults possess up to an ounce of pot AND buy it at government-regulated pot shops.
Passing the bong while playing strip polka at the Bunny Ranch...Don't they do that already?!!
Anna Nicole Watch
Day 39. Daniel Smith remains unburied.
Quote of the day
"My daddy warned me about men and liquor, but he never mentioned women and cocaine."
Famed bisexual actress Tallulah Bankhead, a southern belle whose daddy was Speaker of the House in the U.S. House of Representatives (D-Alabama). The ultimate wild child, she slept with Greta Garbo and Hattie McDaniel, who played Mammy in "Gone With The Wind".
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down & dirty truths behind the headlines...
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
MADONNA AND CHILD
Well, the world might be discussing the propriety of Madonna's move to adopt a 1 year old Malawi tot who has a loving father and granny, but the Material Girl has ruled. The little tyke got whisked away by Madonna's minions yesterday to begin life in the lap of luxury at the diva's London townhouse. Madonna and her filmmaker husband, Guy Ritchie, were granted an interim adoption of baby David. This gives the showbiz parents 18 months temporary custody during which time they will be evaluated by the courts of Malawi.
This is a no-brainer. Madonna's $3 million gift to the orphanage and other programs certainly insures a favorable report. Let's just hope that the little tyke in the end gives his ubermensch mutter a glowing report card. Steven Spielberg once told his free-spirited, ageless mom, Leah Adler: "I won the lottery when I got you as a mom!" May little David say the same thing to his new mommy one day and we'll all happily SHUT UP....
BRANDON DAVIS' KARMIC KICK IN THE ASS
Genetic lottery winner, Brandon Davis, grandson of the gargantuan late oil billionaire, Marvin Davis, may still have a big mouth, but he appears to be running out of dough. The perennial Paris Hilton sidekick and boorish blowhard routinely makes fun of Lindsay Lohan's privates ("firecrotch") and finances ("She's only got $7 million). Well, it appears there is a God. The unemployed, IQ challenged, alleged heir wrote a check to "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis for $10,000 and it bounced, refused because of "insufficient funds" according to "Page Six". It appears he also owes big bucks to a record producer and a casino owner.
Better watch that your always wobbly legs don't get broken in a dark alley like the common folk, Mr. Faux Rich Boy. By the way, we hear that you owe more than one young lady an IOU for your performance in the sack. It would appear Mr. Big Shot has no currency in the REAL world.
ANNA NICOLE WATCH
Day 37 and still no burial for tragic Daniel Smith. He remains in a vault drawer at the morgue in the Bahamas.
EVEN MY EX-PROFESSOR IS BARING ALL!
Seems my ex-creative writing instructor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, former Playboy Playmate Alice Denham, has penned a down and dirty tell-all book, "Sleeping With Bad Boys". The formerly sexy prof tattles that the legendary actor James Dean "was a tender and considerate lover" who was totally hung up on her 36 double D's as soon as he got a load of 'em: "You're so huge for a small girl," he told her. "Jimmy was a t--man, and he loved to nuzzle. He was so skilled." Then in a purely Elvis move, the doomed star asked the woman who I fought with for an "A": "Are you my mother? You are, I think. You look like her." Hugh Hefner chose the future prof as a playmate and proceeded to bed her during a cheesy stag movie. While Hef had "staying power and was a good ride", it was nothing personal. Because the bookish former Bunny is a former academic, she throws ex-lovers Norman Mailer and Philip Roth into the mix, lest we think she's gone Hollywood.
I vividly remember Prof. Denham disrobing during class to the delight of my cop classmates. It seems she was always hot in her sweater and needed to strip down to her undergarment to continue her ascent in the world of pedagogy. She actually outdid the original superstar stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee. I really loved this broad, though we didn't always get along. Nobody EVER slept in her class!! (Randa)
TALIBAN GOES TO POT
The Taliban are hiding behind dense, impenetrable forests of 10 ft. marijuana plants. Canadian forces report that the Taliban terrorists are using the forests for cover. Fighting bush by bush, the Canadians are taking on the unexpected and potent enemy by covering their armored vehicles with the cannabis as camouflage. It's a draw: "Far out, man!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out there and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
This is a no-brainer. Madonna's $3 million gift to the orphanage and other programs certainly insures a favorable report. Let's just hope that the little tyke in the end gives his ubermensch mutter a glowing report card. Steven Spielberg once told his free-spirited, ageless mom, Leah Adler: "I won the lottery when I got you as a mom!" May little David say the same thing to his new mommy one day and we'll all happily SHUT UP....
BRANDON DAVIS' KARMIC KICK IN THE ASS
Genetic lottery winner, Brandon Davis, grandson of the gargantuan late oil billionaire, Marvin Davis, may still have a big mouth, but he appears to be running out of dough. The perennial Paris Hilton sidekick and boorish blowhard routinely makes fun of Lindsay Lohan's privates ("firecrotch") and finances ("She's only got $7 million). Well, it appears there is a God. The unemployed, IQ challenged, alleged heir wrote a check to "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis for $10,000 and it bounced, refused because of "insufficient funds" according to "Page Six". It appears he also owes big bucks to a record producer and a casino owner.
Better watch that your always wobbly legs don't get broken in a dark alley like the common folk, Mr. Faux Rich Boy. By the way, we hear that you owe more than one young lady an IOU for your performance in the sack. It would appear Mr. Big Shot has no currency in the REAL world.
ANNA NICOLE WATCH
Day 37 and still no burial for tragic Daniel Smith. He remains in a vault drawer at the morgue in the Bahamas.
EVEN MY EX-PROFESSOR IS BARING ALL!
Seems my ex-creative writing instructor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, former Playboy Playmate Alice Denham, has penned a down and dirty tell-all book, "Sleeping With Bad Boys". The formerly sexy prof tattles that the legendary actor James Dean "was a tender and considerate lover" who was totally hung up on her 36 double D's as soon as he got a load of 'em: "You're so huge for a small girl," he told her. "Jimmy was a t--man, and he loved to nuzzle. He was so skilled." Then in a purely Elvis move, the doomed star asked the woman who I fought with for an "A": "Are you my mother? You are, I think. You look like her." Hugh Hefner chose the future prof as a playmate and proceeded to bed her during a cheesy stag movie. While Hef had "staying power and was a good ride", it was nothing personal. Because the bookish former Bunny is a former academic, she throws ex-lovers Norman Mailer and Philip Roth into the mix, lest we think she's gone Hollywood.
I vividly remember Prof. Denham disrobing during class to the delight of my cop classmates. It seems she was always hot in her sweater and needed to strip down to her undergarment to continue her ascent in the world of pedagogy. She actually outdid the original superstar stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee. I really loved this broad, though we didn't always get along. Nobody EVER slept in her class!! (Randa)
TALIBAN GOES TO POT
The Taliban are hiding behind dense, impenetrable forests of 10 ft. marijuana plants. Canadian forces report that the Taliban terrorists are using the forests for cover. Fighting bush by bush, the Canadians are taking on the unexpected and potent enemy by covering their armored vehicles with the cannabis as camouflage. It's a draw: "Far out, man!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out there and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Monday, October 16, 2006
ANNA NICOLE'S MOTHER ALLEGES MURDER PLOT...
The Anna Nicole Smith spin just keeps spinning out of control. Now her mother, Virgie Arthur, says she believes that her grandson Daniel's death from a drug overdose may have been MURDER. The bereaved Texas grandma told Nancy Grace on CNN Headline News that she thinks the perp was in the hospital room at the time of his death. Mmm...the only folks in that room other than poor Daniel were Anna Nicole and her full service personal attorney, Howard K. Stern, who claims that he, and not Larry Birkhead, is Anna Nicole's baby daddy. Is your head spinnin' faster than the kid in the "Exorcist" yet?!
Granny "Smith", a former cop, said of Daniel's lethal overdose of methadone and antidepressants: "Somebody had to give it to him. He had to get it from somewhere." Leaving little doubt as to the Blame Name, she talked to Grace about attorney Stern marrying Anna Nicole legally and being in line to inherit her millions if anything should happen to her. "If Howard Stern marries her and she ends up dead, then who does the money go [to]? Danny's not there," Granny hypothesised.
TMZ obtained a copy of the birth certificate of Anna Nicole's daughter, Dannielynn, which names attorney Stern as the father. Her marriage to him AND legal demands from Larry Birkhead for a paternity test can't be far off.
Lions and tigers and now murder, oh, my!! We hope to resolve at least one issue next week in our podcast: "Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy Revealed". Stay tuned!!
MEL GIBSON...What would Jesus do?
Eyewitnesses report that allegedly contrite alcoholic actor Mel Gibson yelled at a young man who accused him of being anti-Jewish outside a Malibu church last week: "I'm not anti-semitic. You F**CKING better apologize right now!!" The devout Christian family man allegedly pointed his finger at the young man in a menacing manner. One witness opined that the judge should have sentenced Mr. Gibson to Rageaholics Anonymous, as well as AA.
MADONNA...AT LONG LAST MADAM, HAVE YOU NO SHAME?
After strapping herself to a crucifix, straddling a human horse in bondage gear and then recreating herself as a children's book author who spreads the gospel of Kabbalah to Third World countries as a condition of a $3 million donation for education... Madonna's outdone even Madonna THIS time. Cutting threw the red tape of years on an adoption wait list, Madonna went to an orphanage and got herself a one-year old boy from the impoverished African AIDS plagued nation of Malawi. Only problem is he's not an orphan. His mom died at childbirth and his dad and granny, who love him dearly, don't have enough money to keep him. Universal outrage is building that Madonna should have waited her turn AND given money to the tot's dad to raise him in his African homeland.
If this is a publicity stunt for her new children's book coming out October 24, all we can say is retitle it: "The ABC's of staying on top for 25 years: Use your crayons, boys and girls, to copy dead sexpots, S&M mistresses, then make the transition to a new persona with a dead Madonna/whore named Evita until you slide into the revered Dr. Seuss slot as a children's author, then complete this latest incarnation with a copycat adoption of a Third World child just like Josephine Baker in the 20's with her Rainbow Tribe of 12 kids, Mia Farrow in the 60's with her brood of 13, and Angelina Jolie with her adorable Ethiopian and Cambodian adopted tots in the New Millenium."
Suggestion for your next kid's book: "Proust for Children as told in one, long unpunctuated sentence by the major domo chameleon of the 20th & 21st centuries, Madonna, call me Esther..."
GOD TRIPS CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Reuters, Kiev, Ukraine - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in the Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said Monday.
The man shouted, "God will save me, if he exists," lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
This Ukrainian obviously forgot to heed that Old Russian Proverb: "Pray by all means, but keep rowing to shore."
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Granny "Smith", a former cop, said of Daniel's lethal overdose of methadone and antidepressants: "Somebody had to give it to him. He had to get it from somewhere." Leaving little doubt as to the Blame Name, she talked to Grace about attorney Stern marrying Anna Nicole legally and being in line to inherit her millions if anything should happen to her. "If Howard Stern marries her and she ends up dead, then who does the money go [to]? Danny's not there," Granny hypothesised.
TMZ obtained a copy of the birth certificate of Anna Nicole's daughter, Dannielynn, which names attorney Stern as the father. Her marriage to him AND legal demands from Larry Birkhead for a paternity test can't be far off.
Lions and tigers and now murder, oh, my!! We hope to resolve at least one issue next week in our podcast: "Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Daddy Revealed". Stay tuned!!
MEL GIBSON...What would Jesus do?
Eyewitnesses report that allegedly contrite alcoholic actor Mel Gibson yelled at a young man who accused him of being anti-Jewish outside a Malibu church last week: "I'm not anti-semitic. You F**CKING better apologize right now!!" The devout Christian family man allegedly pointed his finger at the young man in a menacing manner. One witness opined that the judge should have sentenced Mr. Gibson to Rageaholics Anonymous, as well as AA.
MADONNA...AT LONG LAST MADAM, HAVE YOU NO SHAME?
After strapping herself to a crucifix, straddling a human horse in bondage gear and then recreating herself as a children's book author who spreads the gospel of Kabbalah to Third World countries as a condition of a $3 million donation for education... Madonna's outdone even Madonna THIS time. Cutting threw the red tape of years on an adoption wait list, Madonna went to an orphanage and got herself a one-year old boy from the impoverished African AIDS plagued nation of Malawi. Only problem is he's not an orphan. His mom died at childbirth and his dad and granny, who love him dearly, don't have enough money to keep him. Universal outrage is building that Madonna should have waited her turn AND given money to the tot's dad to raise him in his African homeland.
If this is a publicity stunt for her new children's book coming out October 24, all we can say is retitle it: "The ABC's of staying on top for 25 years: Use your crayons, boys and girls, to copy dead sexpots, S&M mistresses, then make the transition to a new persona with a dead Madonna/whore named Evita until you slide into the revered Dr. Seuss slot as a children's author, then complete this latest incarnation with a copycat adoption of a Third World child just like Josephine Baker in the 20's with her Rainbow Tribe of 12 kids, Mia Farrow in the 60's with her brood of 13, and Angelina Jolie with her adorable Ethiopian and Cambodian adopted tots in the New Millenium."
Suggestion for your next kid's book: "Proust for Children as told in one, long unpunctuated sentence by the major domo chameleon of the 20th & 21st centuries, Madonna, call me Esther..."
GOD TRIPS CAN BE DANGEROUS...
Reuters, Kiev, Ukraine - A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in the Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said Monday.
The man shouted, "God will save me, if he exists," lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions," the official said.
"A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery."
This Ukrainian obviously forgot to heed that Old Russian Proverb: "Pray by all means, but keep rowing to shore."
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Thursday, October 12, 2006
MADONNA ON AFRICAN BABY BUYING SPREE...
Continuing her copycat ways, Madonna is now one-upping Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. She's adopted a 13 month old African tot who's not even an orphan! After seeing a boost in Namibia's tourist trade after Brangelina's sojourn there for the birth of their daughter, the country of Malawi decided to be a copycat, too, and granted Madonna special dispensation for adopting little David Banda.
New York Post columnist Andrea Peyser articulated what many readers e-mailed in a story headlined: Shameless Star Buys an African Souvenir..."(Madonna) has her heart set on raping Malawi. Days ago, she lined up 12 African boys, hand selected for her scrutiny. She picked out 1 year old David to take home in her luggage...The boy selected in this freakish slave auction is no AIDS orphan. He's got a biological father, plus a granny, but was placed in an orphanage after his mother died. His family loves him. They just can't afford to keep him. If Madonna possessed a speck of sanity or shame, she would write a generous check...Madonna should nail herself on her crucifix, for real this time."
Madonna's gone too far THIS time, even by her own ever devolving standards for reinvention. There's talk that hubby Guy Ritchie is bitterly opposed to this latest publicity stunt, oops, sorry... planned adoption. He feels his wife's daughter by another man and THEIR biological child is enough to cope with in view of his wife's unceasing efforts to conquer the world and put her brand on everyone's derriere. FREE LITTLE DAVID BANDA FROM VEGANISM, KABBALA INDOCTRINATION AND MEGLOMANIA NOW!!!
ANNA NICOLE TRAPPED IN HER OWN LOONEY TOON
Now the former stripper and TrimSpa poster girl has shed another 200 pounds... her Bahamian lawyer. He's like so FIRED! Seems there were violent disagreements with Anna's personal, full-service lawyer and self-confessed "baby daddy", Howard K. Stern and her Bahamian mouthpiece Michael Scott. As Perez Hilton deduced: "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what probably happened: Anna and Howard wanted to do some shady shit and this lawyer dude would not lie!"
A lawyer who will not lie for his client? Isn't this grounds for a suit for incompetence and malfeasance?!!
MEL GIBSON INVOKES THE SODDI DEFENSE...
"Some Other Dude Did It" is the most mundane, classic defense invoked by millions of common criminals around the world when facing the music for their misdeeds. The usually imaginative and talented superstar billionaire, MEL GIBSON, showed an utter lack of originality and self-knowledge when he told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an interview aired this morning that his anti-semitic tirade the evening of his July 28 drunk driving arrest was not him talking. It was Jose Cuervo!! The Passion of the Christ director alleges that tequila was to blame for his "insane" behavior and he admitted that when drunk, he has the capacity to "murder inanimate objects", including toasters. He also went on to say that anyone who doesn't understand that what a drunk man rants and raves about is not anything that he would ever think of sober...
Oy vey, knock if off already and fess up to the WHOLE shmear, Mel. You cannot be successful in an AA program without RIGOROUS honesty. Your daddy Hutton bombarded you from the crib with his anti-semitic tirades and you had little choice. We know you love and honor your father...but grow up and think for yourself. And if you do share his views, be honest and tell the world the truth. The "truth" isn't a business decision. The truth is the truth. And by the way, your self-confessed vanity in gussying up for your mug shot speaks volumes about you, Mr, Gibson. What would Jesus do?
HOLD THE MAYO AND LETTUCE, BUT NOT THE POT...
Three Burger King workers in Los Lunas, New Mexico are in a pickle after serving two cops Whoppers sprinkled with marijuana. The hungry officers started chowing down when they noticed the meat had been sprinkled with a substance that looked like pot. A field test kit confirmed the illegal substance. The cops had the three overzealous employees for lunch...
Now be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
New York Post columnist Andrea Peyser articulated what many readers e-mailed in a story headlined: Shameless Star Buys an African Souvenir..."(Madonna) has her heart set on raping Malawi. Days ago, she lined up 12 African boys, hand selected for her scrutiny. She picked out 1 year old David to take home in her luggage...The boy selected in this freakish slave auction is no AIDS orphan. He's got a biological father, plus a granny, but was placed in an orphanage after his mother died. His family loves him. They just can't afford to keep him. If Madonna possessed a speck of sanity or shame, she would write a generous check...Madonna should nail herself on her crucifix, for real this time."
Madonna's gone too far THIS time, even by her own ever devolving standards for reinvention. There's talk that hubby Guy Ritchie is bitterly opposed to this latest publicity stunt, oops, sorry... planned adoption. He feels his wife's daughter by another man and THEIR biological child is enough to cope with in view of his wife's unceasing efforts to conquer the world and put her brand on everyone's derriere. FREE LITTLE DAVID BANDA FROM VEGANISM, KABBALA INDOCTRINATION AND MEGLOMANIA NOW!!!
ANNA NICOLE TRAPPED IN HER OWN LOONEY TOON
Now the former stripper and TrimSpa poster girl has shed another 200 pounds... her Bahamian lawyer. He's like so FIRED! Seems there were violent disagreements with Anna's personal, full-service lawyer and self-confessed "baby daddy", Howard K. Stern and her Bahamian mouthpiece Michael Scott. As Perez Hilton deduced: "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what probably happened: Anna and Howard wanted to do some shady shit and this lawyer dude would not lie!"
A lawyer who will not lie for his client? Isn't this grounds for a suit for incompetence and malfeasance?!!
MEL GIBSON INVOKES THE SODDI DEFENSE...
"Some Other Dude Did It" is the most mundane, classic defense invoked by millions of common criminals around the world when facing the music for their misdeeds. The usually imaginative and talented superstar billionaire, MEL GIBSON, showed an utter lack of originality and self-knowledge when he told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an interview aired this morning that his anti-semitic tirade the evening of his July 28 drunk driving arrest was not him talking. It was Jose Cuervo!! The Passion of the Christ director alleges that tequila was to blame for his "insane" behavior and he admitted that when drunk, he has the capacity to "murder inanimate objects", including toasters. He also went on to say that anyone who doesn't understand that what a drunk man rants and raves about is not anything that he would ever think of sober...
Oy vey, knock if off already and fess up to the WHOLE shmear, Mel. You cannot be successful in an AA program without RIGOROUS honesty. Your daddy Hutton bombarded you from the crib with his anti-semitic tirades and you had little choice. We know you love and honor your father...but grow up and think for yourself. And if you do share his views, be honest and tell the world the truth. The "truth" isn't a business decision. The truth is the truth. And by the way, your self-confessed vanity in gussying up for your mug shot speaks volumes about you, Mr, Gibson. What would Jesus do?
HOLD THE MAYO AND LETTUCE, BUT NOT THE POT...
Three Burger King workers in Los Lunas, New Mexico are in a pickle after serving two cops Whoppers sprinkled with marijuana. The hungry officers started chowing down when they noticed the meat had been sprinkled with a substance that looked like pot. A field test kit confirmed the illegal substance. The cops had the three overzealous employees for lunch...
Now be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
FAMILY VALUES
ANTIDOTE TO PARIS & LINDSAY'S HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP ANTICS
There are mature, deep loving relationships that still exist in the 21st century. Cindy Adams in today's NY Post writes about the special love shared by the late Aussie Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and his American born wife Terri and the devastation of his sudden death.
"Two-year old BOB, (Steve's son), doesn't know his father is gone. He asks: "When is daddy coming home?" The other day when the family was packing Steve's camping gear, Bob smiled, "Mmmm, smells like daddy." Speaking to Star magazine this week, widow Terri's parents, Julie and Clarence Raines of Eugene, Ore. say Terri will "absolutely" now be more cautious with her children around animals. "Things have changed...We were all shocked." About the little Irwin family: "Kids need play time, but Terri s so distraught, she's overcome with sadness. They were madly in love. Their connection was beyond this Earth!"
The animals have lost their best friend and the world has lost an exuberant prince whose likes will not be seen again. His larger than life spirit can never be extinguished. Deepest sympathy to his lovely family.
SOMETIMES BEING A COPYCAT IS A GOOD THING...
As we wrote in our blog, "Madonna: The World's Greatest Female Impersonator" nobody does it better or more brilliantly "and now she's taking a page from Angelina's playbook and donating $3 million to the AIDS ravaged African nation of Malawi". Well, according to the world press, it looks like the Material Girl is upping the ante to Angelina's adoption of an Ethiopian AIDS orphan: Madonna's reportedly flying to Malawi with director hubby Guy Ritchie to adopt TWINS or SIBLINGS.
According to the British newspaper The People: "Originally Madonna and Guy planned to adopt only one child. But when they were told that might mean breaking up a family unit they immediately said they would take siblings or twins if that was the right thing to do..."
Ain't it grand that the new Hollywood game of one-upsmanship is not about material luxuries, but philanthrophy on an up close and personal level. Thank goodness the world's orphans can now find comfortable homes and rosy futures because Hollywood's superstars are looking for meaning beyond the material!!
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