MADONNA AND CHILD

Well, the world might be discussing the propriety of Madonna's move to adopt a 1 year old Malawi tot who has a loving father and granny, but the Material Girl has ruled. The little tyke got whisked away by Madonna's minions yesterday to begin life in the lap of luxury at the diva's London townhouse. Madonna and her filmmaker husband, Guy Ritchie, were granted an interim adoption of baby David. This gives the showbiz parents 18 months temporary custody during which time they will be evaluated by the courts of Malawi.

This is a no-brainer. Madonna's $3 million gift to the orphanage and other programs certainly insures a favorable report. Let's just hope that the little tyke in the end gives his ubermensch mutter a glowing report card. Steven Spielberg once told his free-spirited, ageless mom, Leah Adler: "I won the lottery when I got you as a mom!" May little David say the same thing to his new mommy one day and we'll all happily SHUT UP....

BRANDON DAVIS' KARMIC KICK IN THE ASS

Genetic lottery winner, Brandon Davis, grandson of the gargantuan late oil billionaire, Marvin Davis, may still have a big mouth, but he appears to be running out of dough. The perennial Paris Hilton sidekick and boorish blowhard routinely makes fun of Lindsay Lohan's privates ("firecrotch") and finances ("She's only got $7 million). Well, it appears there is a God. The unemployed, IQ challenged, alleged heir wrote a check to "Girls Gone Wild" creator Joe Francis for $10,000 and it bounced, refused because of "insufficient funds" according to "Page Six". It appears he also owes big bucks to a record producer and a casino owner.

Better watch that your always wobbly legs don't get broken in a dark alley like the common folk, Mr. Faux Rich Boy. By the way, we hear that you owe more than one young lady an IOU for your performance in the sack. It would appear Mr. Big Shot has no currency in the REAL world.

ANNA NICOLE WATCH

Day 37 and still no burial for tragic Daniel Smith. He remains in a vault drawer at the morgue in the Bahamas.

EVEN MY EX-PROFESSOR IS BARING ALL!

Seems my ex-creative writing instructor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, former Playboy Playmate Alice Denham, has penned a down and dirty tell-all book, "Sleeping With Bad Boys". The formerly sexy prof tattles that the legendary actor James Dean "was a tender and considerate lover" who was totally hung up on her 36 double D's as soon as he got a load of 'em: "You're so huge for a small girl," he told her. "Jimmy was a t--man, and he loved to nuzzle. He was so skilled." Then in a purely Elvis move, the doomed star asked the woman who I fought with for an "A": "Are you my mother? You are, I think. You look like her." Hugh Hefner chose the future prof as a playmate and proceeded to bed her during a cheesy stag movie. While Hef had "staying power and was a good ride", it was nothing personal. Because the bookish former Bunny is a former academic, she throws ex-lovers Norman Mailer and Philip Roth into the mix, lest we think she's gone Hollywood.

I vividly remember Prof. Denham disrobing during class to the delight of my cop classmates. It seems she was always hot in her sweater and needed to strip down to her undergarment to continue her ascent in the world of pedagogy. She actually outdid the original superstar stripper, Gypsy Rose Lee. I really loved this broad, though we didn't always get along. Nobody EVER slept in her class!! (Randa)

TALIBAN GOES TO POT

The Taliban are hiding behind dense, impenetrable forests of 10 ft. marijuana plants. Canadian forces report that the Taliban terrorists are using the forests for cover. Fighting bush by bush, the Canadians are taking on the unexpected and potent enemy by covering their armored vehicles with the cannabis as camouflage. It's a draw: "Far out, man!"


Now, be the FIRST to go out there and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

FAMILY VALUES

ANTIDOTE TO PARIS & LINDSAY'S HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP ANTICS

There are mature, deep loving relationships that still exist in the 21st century. Cindy Adams in today's NY Post writes about the special love shared by the late Aussie Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin and his American born wife Terri and the devastation of his sudden death.

"Two-year old BOB, (Steve's son), doesn't know his father is gone. He asks: "When is daddy coming home?" The other day when the family was packing Steve's camping gear, Bob smiled, "Mmmm, smells like daddy." Speaking to Star magazine this week, widow Terri's parents, Julie and Clarence Raines of Eugene, Ore. say Terri will "absolutely" now be more cautious with her children around animals. "Things have changed...We were all shocked." About the little Irwin family: "Kids need play time, but Terri s so distraught, she's overcome with sadness. They were madly in love. Their connection was beyond this Earth!"

The animals have lost their best friend and the world has lost an exuberant prince whose likes will not be seen again. His larger than life spirit can never be extinguished. Deepest sympathy to his lovely family.

SOMETIMES BEING A COPYCAT IS A GOOD THING...

As we wrote in our blog, "Madonna: The World's Greatest Female Impersonator" nobody does it better or more brilliantly "and now she's taking a page from Angelina's playbook and donating $3 million to the AIDS ravaged African nation of Malawi". Well, according to the world press, it looks like the Material Girl is upping the ante to Angelina's adoption of an Ethiopian AIDS orphan: Madonna's reportedly flying to Malawi with director hubby Guy Ritchie to adopt TWINS or SIBLINGS.

According to the British newspaper The People: "Originally Madonna and Guy planned to adopt only one child. But when they were told that might mean breaking up a family unit they immediately said they would take siblings or twins if that was the right thing to do..."

Ain't it grand that the new Hollywood game of one-upsmanship is not about material luxuries, but philanthrophy on an up close and personal level. Thank goodness the world's orphans can now find comfortable homes and rosy futures because Hollywood's superstars are looking for meaning beyond the material!!