A sure fire way for celebs to make a final decision with their off again/on again love affairs is to get hitched. For four years Pam Anderson and the Kid Rocked and rolled through the vineyards of passion and kaput. Then three months ago they apparently got heat stroke in the south of France and tied the knot...NOT!
Monday morning they still couldn't keep their hands off of each other...in divorce court! According to TMZ.com, Kid's process server arrived with the divorce papers before the courthouse opened. HIS divorce documents were stamped at 8:35 a.m., five minutes after the clerk's office opened. Pam's process server lost the race, arriving 53 minutes later to file HER papers.
What happened to the Wholesome Twosome after no less than four wedding ceremonies: St. Tropez, Beverly Hills, Nashville and Detroit? Jet lag? Well, the groupie loving, booze guzzling, stripper addicted Kid ain't talkin' yet, but Pam's "close friends" are dropping some tidbits about as prolifically as a gaggle of New York pigeons...stool pigeons on crack.
"His male insecurity and major anger issues" were the deal breaker according to one friend.
Another Pam "insider" tattled to Page Six that a private screening of the hit mockumentary,
Borat, at Universal Studio's chief Ron Meyer's Beverly Hills home two weeks ago was the scene of a marital meltdown.
Seems Kid failed to get the running joke: the faux Kazakhstan journalist Borat (actor Sasha Baron Cohen) falls in love with the Baywatch babe after seeing Pam in a rerun, and drives cross-country to propose marriage to her. The friend told Page Six about the connubial explosion that took place at the screening.
"Bob (Kid Rock) started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing."
Listen, Kid-do...what about your mass shtups with groupies on the road and your self-acknowledged addiction to strippers and porn stars? We'd say you qualify at the ballot box for male slut/whore...Have you never seen your beloved's website photos or the "Comedy Central Roast of Pam Anderson"? Ah, where does "love" go. The very things we love about a person in the good old days become evangelical judgements around divorce time.
The friend (or PR spin doctor?) continues: "Bob is a very unhappy man and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know there are reasons she never married him before...she knows now they never really went away."
Pam, who suffered a miscarriage last month (is it safe to have a kid with Kid when she's got Hepatitis C?) left her Malibu home with her kids for a Santa Monica Hotel while Kid packs up his shit and moves out.
Perhaps stars should have their fame and fortune put into escrow before going for a marriage license. If they had the same real life yardstick as the rest of us, they might give a little more thought to the toll of a divorce on the psyche, the kids and the bank account. A few months alone on Exile Island might help.
Quote of the Day
"I wish Pam would become a lesbian. Her taste in men is up her a**."
Pam's mom after her liaisons with Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels & Kid Rock.
For more salacious details, listen to Starr Secrets podcast: Pam Anderson & Gandhi: Sexy Vegetarians.
Unholy Trinity: Paris, Britney & Lindsay
We need a score card and the equilibrium of a Whirling Dervish to keep up with these three
gals who burn the candle at both ends and then some. The newly separated Britney Spears
has teamed up with her idol Paris Hilton for some tutelage in debauchery and work ethic middle fingering.
They've been clubbing until 6 in the morning causing workaholic Britney to miss recording sessions. The Baby Madonna's also taking skank fashion tips from her new best friend. Mimicking Paris, Britney's stopped wearing underwear and now flashes her crotch to the paparazzi. Her raison d'etre: "I gave birth for over 2 years and now I want to party."
Paris is now Britney's roommate at her Malibu mansion so that the two newfound "sisters" can operate more efficiently. K-Fed is lookin' mighty good in the rear view mirror...go know!
Paris kissed and made up recently with her former nemesis, Lindsay ("Firecrotch") Lohan,
and the two are out and about, arm in arm, flashing their pubes. Jeez, girls, don't be so cruel to the panty peddlers. They gotta hustle, too!
Listen, ladies, you didn't invent party girl perversions or snatch flashing. Ever hear of Tallulah Bankhead, a rich Southern Belle whose daddy was U.S. Speaker of the House, third in line for U.S. President? This sexy actress by her own admission was "as pure as the driven slush". Born a 100 years ago, Tallulah smoked over 100 cigarettes a day, drank cases of gin and bourbon daily, carried a suitcase full of drugs to help her sleep and declared: "Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been using it for years."
The debutante/actress was nude most of the time. Her best friend wryly observed: "I don't know why Tallulah runs around naked. She has such pretty frocks." She was a bisexual who slept with hundreds of men and women, including Hattie McDaniel ("Mammy" in "Gone with the Wind"), Greta Garbo and silent film star Nazimova, the lesbian godmother of First Lady Nancy Reagan.
Like Paris, Lindsay and Britney, Tallulah was an unashamed exhibitionist who loved flashing her pubes to EVERYONE. While making the Oscar winning 1944 Alfred Hitchcock movie, "Lifeboat", she never wore underwear and loved shocking the cast and crew as she climbed up a ladder, skirt hiked up, and exposed ALL.
When the director was asked to do something, Hitchcock replied: "It's not my department." The complainer demanded: "Well, whose department is it?" Hitchcock thought for a moment and then said: "Wardrobe, or perhaps hairdressing."
What a dame! No wonder Demi Moore named her daughter for Tallulah.
For more salacious details, listen to next week's Starr Secrets podcast: "Anna Nicole Smith & Tallulah Bankhead: Dixie Girls Gone Wild!"
Update on "Kramer in the Krapper"
"Smart mouths opening to say apologies don't come cheap...Watch for newfound Michael Richards donations to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson pet causes," says Cindy Adams in her New York Post column. Only in Cindy Adams, kids...this broad tells it straight.
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...
Showing posts with label Michael Richards. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Michael Richards. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
KRAMER IN THE KRAPPER
Michael Richards joined the Mel Gibson chapter of Bigots Not So Anonymous last Saturday night at West Hollywood's "Laugh Factory" when he threw despicable racial epithets at an audience member who didn't think the comedian's act funny.
We've viewed the exclusive footage footage obtained by TMZ and feel that full disclosure without any censoring is important for fans of Richards' to make an informed decision as to their idol's REAL character.
The guy who played the lovable buffoon Kramer in the smash TV sitcom Seinfeld went ballistic when a black man yelled out: "My friend doesn't think your funny!" Suddenly things went right into the toilet as Richards channeled a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard and took a huge dump on the audience member. He screamed: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f****ing fork up your ass"
Continuing his shocking stream of racial venom and profanities, the imploding comic spewed his toxic waste. "Throw his ass out! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look there's a nigger!"
One of the club patrons who was being insulted, shouted back: "That was uncalled for...un***ing called for..."
The crowd was visibly and audibly upset, to which Richards responds: "They're gonna arrest me for calling a black man a nigger?"
Most of the audience appeared to leave as it eventually sunk in that a lynching by language is no laughing matter.
This incident comes as no surprise to us. Five years ago, a Hollywood producer told us: "Michael Richards is the most miserable, unhappy man in this town."
Michael Richards and Mel Gibson should be exiled to "Fantasy Island" for all eternity with a single box of stale matzoh slathered with out-of-date chitlins and a toilet that doesn't flush, to be shared WITH Adolf Hitler, Jesse Helms and the evangelical hypocrite Reverend Ted Haggard.
TomKat Wedding: Long kiss...short bliss?
As Santayana once theorized: "Those who do not remember the past are bound to repeat it."
Globe trotting, out of this world Scientologist Tom Cruise reportedly kissed his bride, the talented, formerly unchained independent star known as Katie Holmes, for an embarrassingly long three plus minutes. Georgio Armani, who designed the $2.5 million gown, tattled about the "never-ending" kiss that had guests begging for a peckectomy (removal of a perpetual lip lock).
The newlyweds might be staying in the Eternal City, but Tom's memory is short.
Remember the glitzy, gaudy nuptials of the allegedly gay David Gest and Liza Minnelli, the superstar diva with a lavender family tree...A gay grandfather (Judy Garland's father), a gay father (MGM director Vincente Minnelli) and a gay ex-husband (the late and great Peter Allen). Well, this odd couple's marriage lasted for less time than the "kiss the bride" buss which appalled ALL of the guests and had hapless TV viewers heading for the vomitorium.
So, okay, we are not convinced that a long wedding kiss means connubial bliss.
While Liza invited the whole world and a few extraterrestials to her wedding, Tom conspicuously left talking show queens Oprah and Barbara Walters off the coveted guest list. Hey, you have a real "Mission Impossible", Tom...getting back in their good graces. Walters says you swore to invite her, and what's up with dissing Oprah? Do you blame her for YOUR jumping on the couch meltdown? She didn't do anything...the culprit was the springs in your elevator shoes! Good move, lovebirds, inviting Poster Mom Brooke Shields, the target of Tom's post-partum drug tirade. We hope her writer hubby Chris Henchy, is penning a fabulous satire to rival the brilliant Christopher Guest's work.
By the way, speculation is rampant about the official wedding photo which has the vertically challenged superstar Tom the same height as his statuesque hostage, oops, we mean bride. Some theories: She's bending her knees under the wedding dress. She took off her shoes or is standing in a ditch. They dug a hole where Katie is standing and Tom had to step on Giorgio Armani's cigar box collection.
The honeymoon in the remote Maldives will be attended by their best man, the head of the Church of Scientology. No kidding!
We have a beef with the $2.5 million wedding dress with thousands of hand sewn beads. There is an Italian seamstress that is NOW legally blind, and at least two African nations that could've fed their starving citizenry for a few years. TomKat, international PR wisdom says: "Get thee to a Malawi orphanage, anon!"
SUNDAY IS WORLD TOILET DAY...
**The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year or 6 to 8 times a day. You spend about three years in the toilet (unless you're Michael Richards).
**When Madonna performed last year on the German TV show Wetten Dass, she refused to use their toilets. The show's producers had to use a crane to bring Madonna's own personal huge luxury toilet into the grounds.
**A woman spends, on average, three times longer than a man on each toilet visit, yet there are usually the same number of public toilets for men and women. Girls Unite! More Johns!
**Queen Elizabeth has to have a new toilet seat EVERYWHERE she visits. It is then destroyed if she "goes" and makes Number One and/or Number Two.
SINGAPORE...WHERE ETIQUETTE REIGNS SUPREME
In the Chinese city where you get your ass caned for littering and for graffiti, they take enforcing good manners to a whole new dimension. In Singapore, it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.
Early Christmas Joke
The three wise men show up to visit the child in the stable. One of the Magi, the good King Balthazar, was Shaq O'Neal tall. He banged his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down," Joseph told Mary. "It beats Murray!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines...
We've viewed the exclusive footage footage obtained by TMZ and feel that full disclosure without any censoring is important for fans of Richards' to make an informed decision as to their idol's REAL character.
The guy who played the lovable buffoon Kramer in the smash TV sitcom Seinfeld went ballistic when a black man yelled out: "My friend doesn't think your funny!" Suddenly things went right into the toilet as Richards channeled a Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard and took a huge dump on the audience member. He screamed: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f****ing fork up your ass"
Continuing his shocking stream of racial venom and profanities, the imploding comic spewed his toxic waste. "Throw his ass out! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look there's a nigger!"
One of the club patrons who was being insulted, shouted back: "That was uncalled for...un***ing called for..."
The crowd was visibly and audibly upset, to which Richards responds: "They're gonna arrest me for calling a black man a nigger?"
Most of the audience appeared to leave as it eventually sunk in that a lynching by language is no laughing matter.
This incident comes as no surprise to us. Five years ago, a Hollywood producer told us: "Michael Richards is the most miserable, unhappy man in this town."
Michael Richards and Mel Gibson should be exiled to "Fantasy Island" for all eternity with a single box of stale matzoh slathered with out-of-date chitlins and a toilet that doesn't flush, to be shared WITH Adolf Hitler, Jesse Helms and the evangelical hypocrite Reverend Ted Haggard.
TomKat Wedding: Long kiss...short bliss?
As Santayana once theorized: "Those who do not remember the past are bound to repeat it."
Globe trotting, out of this world Scientologist Tom Cruise reportedly kissed his bride, the talented, formerly unchained independent star known as Katie Holmes, for an embarrassingly long three plus minutes. Georgio Armani, who designed the $2.5 million gown, tattled about the "never-ending" kiss that had guests begging for a peckectomy (removal of a perpetual lip lock).
The newlyweds might be staying in the Eternal City, but Tom's memory is short.
Remember the glitzy, gaudy nuptials of the allegedly gay David Gest and Liza Minnelli, the superstar diva with a lavender family tree...A gay grandfather (Judy Garland's father), a gay father (MGM director Vincente Minnelli) and a gay ex-husband (the late and great Peter Allen). Well, this odd couple's marriage lasted for less time than the "kiss the bride" buss which appalled ALL of the guests and had hapless TV viewers heading for the vomitorium.
So, okay, we are not convinced that a long wedding kiss means connubial bliss.
While Liza invited the whole world and a few extraterrestials to her wedding, Tom conspicuously left talking show queens Oprah and Barbara Walters off the coveted guest list. Hey, you have a real "Mission Impossible", Tom...getting back in their good graces. Walters says you swore to invite her, and what's up with dissing Oprah? Do you blame her for YOUR jumping on the couch meltdown? She didn't do anything...the culprit was the springs in your elevator shoes! Good move, lovebirds, inviting Poster Mom Brooke Shields, the target of Tom's post-partum drug tirade. We hope her writer hubby Chris Henchy, is penning a fabulous satire to rival the brilliant Christopher Guest's work.
By the way, speculation is rampant about the official wedding photo which has the vertically challenged superstar Tom the same height as his statuesque hostage, oops, we mean bride. Some theories: She's bending her knees under the wedding dress. She took off her shoes or is standing in a ditch. They dug a hole where Katie is standing and Tom had to step on Giorgio Armani's cigar box collection.
The honeymoon in the remote Maldives will be attended by their best man, the head of the Church of Scientology. No kidding!
We have a beef with the $2.5 million wedding dress with thousands of hand sewn beads. There is an Italian seamstress that is NOW legally blind, and at least two African nations that could've fed their starving citizenry for a few years. TomKat, international PR wisdom says: "Get thee to a Malawi orphanage, anon!"
SUNDAY IS WORLD TOILET DAY...
**The average person visits the toilet 2,500 times a year or 6 to 8 times a day. You spend about three years in the toilet (unless you're Michael Richards).
**When Madonna performed last year on the German TV show Wetten Dass, she refused to use their toilets. The show's producers had to use a crane to bring Madonna's own personal huge luxury toilet into the grounds.
**A woman spends, on average, three times longer than a man on each toilet visit, yet there are usually the same number of public toilets for men and women. Girls Unite! More Johns!
**Queen Elizabeth has to have a new toilet seat EVERYWHERE she visits. It is then destroyed if she "goes" and makes Number One and/or Number Two.
SINGAPORE...WHERE ETIQUETTE REIGNS SUPREME
In the Chinese city where you get your ass caned for littering and for graffiti, they take enforcing good manners to a whole new dimension. In Singapore, it is illegal to have oral sex if it does not lead to full intercourse.
Early Christmas Joke
The three wise men show up to visit the child in the stable. One of the Magi, the good King Balthazar, was Shaq O'Neal tall. He banged his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed.
"Write that down," Joseph told Mary. "It beats Murray!"
Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind today's headlines...
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