Brought to you by...

Monday, May 07, 2007


PAMELA ANDERSON AND GANDHI: SEXY VEGETARIANS…The former Baywatch babe seduces her carnivorous fans by cooing: “For the best orgasm ever, go vegetarian.” PETA spokesperson Pam Anderson gives full credit to her vegan diet for her intense, stupendous sex life. Her buddy Bill Maher adds: “Meat is dirty. I wouldn’t touch a hot dog without a condom on it.”

The highly sexed Hindu vegetarian Mohandas Gandhi agreed with Pam about diet and orgasms. His vow of celibacy led to a titanic struggle to remain sexually abstinent, “It’s like living on the sword’s edge,” the randy Mahatma moaned. He left the marital bed forever after his fourth kid, but later caused a scandal by sleeping with young naked girls to keep him warm and to test his resolve. Gandhi also shared Pam’s passion for safeguarding animals from wanton cruelty: “The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way it treats its animals.” Pam, who obviously loves the animals in her life, admits to having “monkey sex” with former hubby Tommy Lee. She went after Madison Avenue ad agencies for using chimps and apes in commercials. The mammary maven even demanded a boycott of KFC, complaining that modern chickens are “so top heavy they can’t walk.” SAY WHAT?! The scantily clad Gandhi must be smiling on the scantily clad Pam from his stone sarcophagus at the Lake Shrine on Sunset Boulevard. Yes, even the great Mahatma had a Hollywood connection. The late Hindu holy man Yogananda, the founder of this Self-Realization sect, was Gandhi’s yoga teacher and Elvis Presley’s spiritual guru. Ah, Tinseltown: land of oxymorons…

TATTOO ME TWO…The latest Hollywood fad is matching tattoos for lovebirds.
Britney Spears and Kevin Federline inked identical dice tattoos following their wedding. That gamble didn’t pay off. David Beckham and his wife Victoria (formerly “Posh Spice”) sport matching Hebrew tattoos which translate to: “I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.” Angelina Jolie has a Buddhist prayer with Sanskrit symbols on her shoulder, a prayer of protection for her little Cambodian son, Maddox. After hooking up with Angelina, Brad Pitt got his first permanent tattoo, the very same Buddhist prayer, etched forever above his tuchas. Angelina and former hubby Billy Bob Thornton had each other’s names perma-inked on their bodies, too. The “Lara Croft” star plunged into a world of pain when she had the name “Billy Bob” removed from her labia. Ouch!


“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited
about nothing…and then marry HIM.”
Cher, who thought Mount Rushmore was a natural phenomenon

“I’ve given up reading books: I find it takes my mind off myself.”
Oscar Levant, famous neurotic genius and hypochondriac

“My wife and I were happy for 20 years…THEN we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield, who got plenty of respect elsewhere

“We want to have Brooklyn christened, but we are not sure
into which religion!”
David Beckham, on his son, Brooklyn. Jewish is definitely out!

“You know you’re trailer trash when you think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.”
Overheard at the Polo Lounge

Tuesday, April 24, 2007


SUPERSTAR HAS GORGEOUS LESBIAN WIFE AND GAY BEST BUDDY…GUESS WHO? For the last year, the press questioned the manhood of this female wet dream. They felt his bisexual second wife wore the pants in the family, and that her total domination compromised his virility. The sexy hunk everyone knew vanished, replaced by a pussy-whipped puppet.

Brad and Angelina? NOT.

They were talking about the silent film matinee idol Rudolph Valentino, whose status as The World’s Greatest Screen Lover wasn’t helped by the fact that his two wives were lesbians. The Russian actress Nazimova, Hollywood’s notorious lesbian den mother and Nancy Reagan’s godmother, introduced Rudy to both ladies. Giving an Art Deco dildo with a cutesy inscription to his gay buddy, screen scorcher Ramon Navarro, raised a few eyebrows, too. Four decades later, two gay hustlers rammed the dildo down the aged Novarro’s throat, killing him in his Laurel Canyon home.

Eighty years after Valentino’s death at age 31, Tinseltown is again abuzz with doubts about the cojones of its current “Sexiest Man Alive”, Brad Pitt. A disenchanted fan recently expressed a sentiment that seems rampant in many Internet chat rooms: “Brad’s total submersion into the bisexual Angelina’s baby besotted, globetrotting lifestyle seems to have turned him from Sexiest Man Alive into a pussy-whipped male nanny in less than a year’s time.” Apparently, the advent of the 21st century has done little to alter the traditional perception of what makes a man a man.

An interesting footnote: Before their respective global adoptions, domestic bliss and quest to channel Mother Teresa... Angelina Jolie and Madonna enjoyed the favors of the same lesbian lover, the loose lipped Jenny Shimizu. Angelina once said of the long term relationship: “I would have married Jenny if I hadn’t married my (first) husband.” But motherhood and forming a Rainbow Tribe changes everything. Just ask Josephine Baker, a sexy, courageous black entertainer who fled 1920’s racism in America to gain international fame in Paris, dancing naked except for a string of bananas around her waist. After romancing the married King Gustav VI of Sweden and joining the French Resistance, smuggling out wartime secrets written in invisible ink on her sheet music, she began her own Rainbow Tribe. This original Mother of Reinvention adopted 12 kids while on world tours “to show the world that children of different ethnicities and religions can love and live as brothers and sisters.” Baker’s adoption record was broken by actress Mia Farrow...Frank Sinatra’s ex and Woody Allen’s muse until he sucked face with her teen Korean daughter, Soon Yi. This secular saint’s Rainbow Tribe consists of 14 ethnically diverse kids (many disabled) and an ex-husband who was still married when their courtship began. Like Angelina and Madonna, Mama Mia also regularly visits Africa to do battle for the health and safety of kids. Hmm, the misery of one cheated on wife versus the happiness and well-being of millions of children…We can’t afford to be petty.

Quote of the Day.....

"Frank's bigger than THAT!"

Ava Gardner to Grace Kelly, after flipping up a Masai warrior's
loincloth on the Mogambo set to reveal a humonguous male member.

Little did sultry Ava know that the demure future
Princess of Monaco already knew this fact FIRST-HAND
about Ava's husband, Frank Sinatra.

Thursday, March 22, 2007



We'd like to invite our readers to enjoy our new column in THE BEVERLY HILLS SHEET, online at www. Beverly Hills Check out the April/May issue on page 14 and join the fun!!!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


There is a profound difference between these two tragic, boozy, drug addled sexpots. Both magnetized public derision and private desires, but Marilyn Monroe had talent while Anna Nicole Smith couldn’t even spell it. Though Anna idolized Marilyn, even renting the L.A. house where Marilyn fatally overdosed, she never had Marilyn’s ambition to excel intellectually or as an actress. Though both were narcissists and exhibitionists, Marilyn could be introspective and charitable. As a famous movie star, Marilyn took beginner Method Acting classes with Lee Strasberg. She avidly discussed Kierkegaard (“Once you label me, you negate me”) at Brooklyn poet Norman Rosten’s literary salon. Anna Nicole giggled proudly: “I can’t read or write,” when she got hired as a columnist for the National Enquirer. Marilyn cut short her honeymoon with Joe DiMaggio to entertain the soldiers in Korea. Anna Nicole opted for hotel and nightclub freebies, entertaining herself instead of the troops in Iraq. Marilyn was in psychotherapy her entire adult life searching for peace. Anna Nicole left the Betty Ford Clinic after 6 days to rejoin the 3-ring circus that was her life. Marilyn Monroe was mentally ill. Anna Nicole was simply dumb.


Twenty-four hours after Anna Nicole Smith's death, over 2,700 items with her likeness, including bobblehead dolls and poker chips, were listed on eBay. Another website offered 20 different T-shirts honoring the terminally tacky celeb, the most popular: "I fathered Anna Nicole's baby and all I got was this stupid T-shirt". DVD sales for Anna Nicole's reality show are skyrocketing since her passing, up and amazing 180,000 percent on, while the ranking soared from 27,014 to 15.

(c) 2007, Sistarrs International

Thursday, February 08, 2007


CELEBS FLASHING THE PINK. Listen up, Paris, Britney and Lindsay…You party girls DID NOT invent snatch flashing or the prodigious use of mind altering substances. One needs the equilibrium of a Whirling Dervish to keep up with all the Old Hollywood gals who exhibited their privates to a panting world. Hedy Lamarr, a delectable Austrian pastry, made her screen debut flashing full frontal nudity in the silent movie, Ecstasy. The actress became a Hollywood screen legend in Cecil B. DeMille’s epic, Samson & Delilah. Hedy invented the technology for the cellphone, but let the patent lapse. Others made millions. Paris, ever hear of Tallulah Bankhead, an aristocratic Southern Belle whose daddy was the U.S. Speaker of the House, third in line for the Presidency? This sexy actress was by her own admission “as pure as the driven slush”. Born over a 100 years ago, Tallulah smoked 100 cigarettes a day, drank cases of gin and bourbon daily, and carried a suitcase full of drugs, declaring: “Cocaine isn’t habit forming. I should know, I’ve been using it for years.” Tallulah went to parties nude, wearing only a single strand of pearls as she sat on a baby grand warbling. She was an avid bisexual who slept with hundreds of men AND women, including Hattie McDaniel (the first black actress to win an Oscar portraying “Mammy” in Gone With The Wind), Greta Garbo and Russian born silent film star Nazimova, the lesbian godmother of former First Lady Nancy Reagan. Tallulah once observed: “My daddy warned me about men and liquor, but he never mentioned women and cocaine.” Unlike Paris, Britney and Lindsay, Tallulah knew from irony and wit. But like them, Tallulah was a shameless flasher of the pink to EVERYONE. While making the Oscar winning Alfred Hitchcock movie, Lifeboat, she never wore panties and loved to shock the cast and crew by climbing up a ladder to the boat, skirt purposely hiked up to publicly expose her privates. When 20th Century Fox head Darryl Zanuck demanded that Hitchcock do something, the director contemptuously replied: “It’s not my department.” The studio chief demanded: “Well, whose department is it?” Hitchcock pondered for a moment, then answered: “Wardrobe or…perhaps hairdressing.”

MR. PRESIDENT, YOU AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT A HORNDOG. Producer/actor Ashton Kutcher recalls the time he and his wife Demi Moore met the 42nd President of the United States: “Bill Clinton was the only President I ever met, but it was like I wasn’t there. HE WAS HITTING ON MY WIFE.” Many wish the Prez would have been so single minded in his pursuit of Osama Bin Laden, and nailed HIM in the Sudan in the mid 90’s.

DEAD STARS SELL THE GOODS. The style and panache of Old Hollywood is the gift that keeps giving. Audrey Hepburn, dead for 13 years is in an ad campaign for the Gap, elegantly dancing in a scene from Funny Face, a movie she made 50 years ago. The spot hawks slender, black Gap jeans for a New Millenium of consumers. The ever magical Hepburn joins her departed co-stars Fred Astaire (Dirt Devil), John Wayne (Coors) and Humphrey Bogart (Diet Coke & Thomasville Furniture) on the posthumous marketing campaign trail.

ALL SHRINKS TO GREY’S ANATOMY, STAT! Why is the brilliant producer/writer
Shondra Rhimes allowing the boorish Isaiah Washington to sabotage her groundbreaking network mega-hit? FIRE HIM! Why hasn’t this violent thespian had a criminal conviction for his long list of violent transgressions on numerous productions? From the allegations against Mr. Washington, it would appear he’s an equal opportunity rageaholic. Last fall, the pretend doctor assaulted his co-star Patrick Dempsey on the set, choking him after Dr. McDreamy defended castmate T. R. Knight against Washington’s homophobic slur. After Grey’s Anatomy won a Golden Globe for Best TV Series Drama, Washington grabbed the mike from producer Rhimes in front of the entire cast to announce: “No, I did not call T.R. a $#@. Never happened…” Rhimes giggled nervously instead of verbally clocking him.To save his job, Washington entered a 30-day rehab, but was released after a week of counseling, miraculously exorcising his demons in record time. The poster boy for anger management’s hit parade: During filming of the TV show High Incident, Washington got into a fight with a crew member that was vicious enough for the police to be called in. They handcuffed Washington and took him off in a squad car. “He grabbed my throat, choking me. Then he picked me up and threw me over the couch,” the alleged victim told The National Enquirer. While filming Soul Food for Showtime, Washington attacked his actress co-star with a “forceful, aggressive” kiss that caused her to scream. When Executive Producer Tracey Edmonds (“Babyface’s ex-wife) and the director stepped in to calm the situation, Washington went off on them, too. The hair trigger tempered actor also came to blows with a straight, black actor on the set of a play a few years back. Many show biz folks say Washington’s not anti-gay, he’s been angry toward EVERYBODY over the years. Isaiah Washington still has a bullet hole in his right leg, which he admits sustaining because, “I was young and dumb…And one day I popped off my mouth to the wrong person and got shot.” If Producer Rhimes doesn’t fire this guy, may we suggest she write Washington’s character as a newly uncloseted gay doc who plays steamy sex scenes with hot studmuffins for the show’s duration.


“Sometimes I wish Pam would turn lesbian.”
Pamela Anderson’s mother reflecting on her daughter’s
liaisons with Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels and Kid Rock.

“One inch less and he’d be the Queen of Hollywood.”
Carole Lombard’s yardstick appraisal of her
hubby Clark Gable

(c) 2007, Sistarrs International

Monday, December 04, 2006


Everyone can be a spiritual Rocky, everyone can be a winner, the famous and the ordinary, by connecting the dots on the roadmap leading to your own vision of heaven.

Stars are searching for something beyond the money, the glamour and the fame. They want it ALL, and are turning to ancient teachings and practices to provide the blueprint to their happiness and peace of mind.

The Kabbalah

This 2,000 year old Jewish book of mysticism, shrouded in mystery for centuries and taught to a precious few rabbis, is alleged to contain the secret code to deciphering life. It is no wonder that in an age of computers, this religious/scientific doctrine is gaining popularity.

Demi Moore & Ashton Kutcher and Naomi Judd are drawn to the "mind-body aspect", while Madonna cites her interest in the Kabbalistic belief that, "Every action of every minute is connected to future events. Therefore, we are responsible for our own destiny. We are the producers, directors and writers of our own movie, our life, which has a beginning, middle and end." Her adopted Malawi tot, David Banda, will be in the pre-K program at the Kabbalah Center, founded by the indestructible, ever reincarnating diva.

Dolly Parton, Barbra Streisand, Roseanne are among the growing number of celebrities immersed in studying Kabbalah. Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have dabbled and been photographed wearing the Kabbalah fashionista accessory, the red string bracelet (believed to ward off evil spirits).

Streisand waxes rhapsodic about the Cabalistic concept of of soul connection, the idea that only when you've learned certain lessons do you meet your soulmate. "And I've met mine," she coos about hubby James Brolin. "It's important to be positive about everything negative in your life. A positive spin propels us ahead to success."

Like Buddhism, Kabbalah teaches that reincarnation is necessary for soul perfection. Many lifetimes, many lessons learned. It is rumored that the Catholic Church taught reincarnation until the head of state, Emperor Constantine, became the head of the church. The original manuscripts of these teachings are alleged to be in a vault in the Vatican archives.

Many stars believe in reincarnation for a good reason. They've experience it in THIS lifetime.
Michelle Pfeiffer, Rod Stewart, Elvis Presley, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore in their previous lives were: a supermarket checker, a gravedigger, a truckdriver, a bartender and a teenage runaway.


Buddhism is about getting enlightenment by getting out of the self. Many see it as a logical antidote to the ME obsession which brings unhappiness to many over-achievers. Richard Gere is buddies with the Dalai Lama and spends months on end visiting him in Tibet, staying in a tent, not the Llasa Hilton. Other Buddhists like Tina Turner, Goldie Hawn and Patrick Duffy have built altars in their mansions in their practice of "loving kindness". A Hollywood Zen master on the payroll of the stars says: "In Buddhism, we study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be enlightened by ALL things. All learning is unlearning. We must empty our mind of cherished notions and assumptions."


Steven Spielberg and Albert Einstein are both time travelers straddling a light beam. Both are mystics who plugged into the past to see the future. (That's how it's done folks. So be nice to the elderly!)

The five-tone vibration heard in Close Encounters was first heard by the ancient Greek mathematician Pythagoras. He discovered this five-tone scale and called it "The Music of the Spheres". As the 2,000 year old tale goes, no one but Pythagoras could hear this universal tone. But one day we would ALL hear it when we lived in harmony with ourselves and with each other.

So by having everyone hear this five-vibration tone emanating from the spaceship,
Spielberg shows us that the future comes to teach us what the ancients ALREADY knew.

In the movie ET, the ancient art of hands on healing is shown in a modern world. The positive energy from ET's lit finger touches and heals the little boy's cut finger. The little boy's profession of love tranforms the dying ET back to life and turns on his heart light. Spielberg, ever the avatar, shows us the timelessness of love as the alchemist for ALL miracles.

Oprah Winfrey says she's experienced amost 200 miracles since deciding to live in love. "I now approach EVERY single incident and person in my life as an opportunity to love and weave a web of goodness." This Christmas, Oprah and best friend Gayle King will be in South Africa setting up a school for orphaned, poor girls to train them to be tomorrow's leaders.

Secrets to a fabulous life...

Touched by an Angel was a huge hit because people ALWAYS feel good about love: heavenly and earthly. In a fast paced, perplexing world, a positive constant is reassuring. Everything and everybody and everyplace in every era are connected on the golden web of love that is manifested through signposts, prayer, intuition and the miracle of overcoming all adversity through faith in good.

As Penny Marshall says about her friend, Rosie O'Donnell: "Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."

Have a fabulous and exciting Holiday Season!! Enjoy the ride...

(c) 2006, Sistarrs International

P.S. May we squeal our heartfelt condolences to George Clooney on the loss of his significant other of 18 years...his potbellied pet pig Max. Gorgeous George admits to this being his longest relationship ever. But let's face it, Hog Heaven is a far better place than here for the arthritic, partially blind porcine partner. Max saved George during the 1994 earthquake when he oinked the star awake in their bed minutes before catastrophe struck. George's epitaph for Max should be what he once told reporters: "I love eating at Jewish restaurants. I can't stand anyone who'd eat a pig." RIP you menschy pig!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


A sure fire way for celebs to make a final decision with their off again/on again love affairs is to get hitched. For four years Pam Anderson and the Kid Rocked and rolled through the vineyards of passion and kaput. Then three months ago they apparently got heat stroke in the south of France and tied the knot...NOT!

Monday morning they still couldn't keep their hands off of each divorce court! According to, Kid's process server arrived with the divorce papers before the courthouse opened. HIS divorce documents were stamped at 8:35 a.m., five minutes after the clerk's office opened. Pam's process server lost the race, arriving 53 minutes later to file HER papers.

What happened to the Wholesome Twosome after no less than four wedding ceremonies: St. Tropez, Beverly Hills, Nashville and Detroit? Jet lag? Well, the groupie loving, booze guzzling, stripper addicted Kid ain't talkin' yet, but Pam's "close friends" are dropping some tidbits about as prolifically as a gaggle of New York pigeons...stool pigeons on crack.

"His male insecurity and major anger issues" were the deal breaker according to one friend.
Another Pam "insider" tattled to Page Six that a private screening of the hit mockumentary,
Borat, at Universal Studio's chief Ron Meyer's Beverly Hills home two weeks ago was the scene of a marital meltdown.

Seems Kid failed to get the running joke: the faux Kazakhstan journalist Borat (actor Sasha Baron Cohen) falls in love with the Baywatch babe after seeing Pam in a rerun, and drives cross-country to propose marriage to her. The friend told Page Six about the connubial explosion that took place at the screening.

"Bob (Kid Rock) started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing."

Listen, Kid-do...what about your mass shtups with groupies on the road and your self-acknowledged addiction to strippers and porn stars? We'd say you qualify at the ballot box for male slut/whore...Have you never seen your beloved's website photos or the "Comedy Central Roast of Pam Anderson"? Ah, where does "love" go. The very things we love about a person in the good old days become evangelical judgements around divorce time.

The friend (or PR spin doctor?) continues: "Bob is a very unhappy man and angry man. Pam is very disenchanted and sad. You know there are reasons she never married him before...she knows now they never really went away."

Pam, who suffered a miscarriage last month (is it safe to have a kid with Kid when she's got Hepatitis C?) left her Malibu home with her kids for a Santa Monica Hotel while Kid packs up his shit and moves out.

Perhaps stars should have their fame and fortune put into escrow before going for a marriage license. If they had the same real life yardstick as the rest of us, they might give a little more thought to the toll of a divorce on the psyche, the kids and the bank account. A few months alone on Exile Island might help.

Quote of the Day

"I wish Pam would become a lesbian. Her taste in men is up her a**."

Pam's mom after her liaisons with Tommy Lee, Bret Michaels & Kid Rock.

For more salacious details, listen to Starr Secrets podcast: Pam Anderson & Gandhi: Sexy Vegetarians.

Unholy Trinity: Paris, Britney & Lindsay

We need a score card and the equilibrium of a Whirling Dervish to keep up with these three
gals who burn the candle at both ends and then some. The newly separated Britney Spears
has teamed up with her idol Paris Hilton for some tutelage in debauchery and work ethic middle fingering.

They've been clubbing until 6 in the morning causing workaholic Britney to miss recording sessions. The Baby Madonna's also taking skank fashion tips from her new best friend. Mimicking Paris, Britney's stopped wearing underwear and now flashes her crotch to the paparazzi. Her raison d'etre: "I gave birth for over 2 years and now I want to party."
Paris is now Britney's roommate at her Malibu mansion so that the two newfound "sisters" can operate more efficiently. K-Fed is lookin' mighty good in the rear view mirror...go know!

Paris kissed and made up recently with her former nemesis, Lindsay ("Firecrotch") Lohan,
and the two are out and about, arm in arm, flashing their pubes. Jeez, girls, don't be so cruel to the panty peddlers. They gotta hustle, too!

Listen, ladies, you didn't invent party girl perversions or snatch flashing. Ever hear of Tallulah Bankhead, a rich Southern Belle whose daddy was U.S. Speaker of the House, third in line for U.S. President? This sexy actress by her own admission was "as pure as the driven slush". Born a 100 years ago, Tallulah smoked over 100 cigarettes a day, drank cases of gin and bourbon daily, carried a suitcase full of drugs to help her sleep and declared: "Cocaine isn't habit forming. I should know, I've been using it for years."

The debutante/actress was nude most of the time. Her best friend wryly observed: "I don't know why Tallulah runs around naked. She has such pretty frocks." She was a bisexual who slept with hundreds of men and women, including Hattie McDaniel ("Mammy" in "Gone with the Wind"), Greta Garbo and silent film star Nazimova, the lesbian godmother of First Lady Nancy Reagan.

Like Paris, Lindsay and Britney, Tallulah was an unashamed exhibitionist who loved flashing her pubes to EVERYONE. While making the Oscar winning 1944 Alfred Hitchcock movie, "Lifeboat", she never wore underwear and loved shocking the cast and crew as she climbed up a ladder, skirt hiked up, and exposed ALL.

When the director was asked to do something, Hitchcock replied: "It's not my department." The complainer demanded: "Well, whose department is it?" Hitchcock thought for a moment and then said: "Wardrobe, or perhaps hairdressing."

What a dame! No wonder Demi Moore named her daughter for Tallulah.

For more salacious details, listen to next week's Starr Secrets podcast: "Anna Nicole Smith & Tallulah Bankhead: Dixie Girls Gone Wild!"

Update on "Kramer in the Krapper"

"Smart mouths opening to say apologies don't come cheap...Watch for newfound Michael Richards donations to Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson pet causes," says Cindy Adams in her New York Post column. Only in Cindy Adams, kids...this broad tells it straight.

Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...