MALIBU HORROR TOUR

In honor of Friday the 13th, we'd like to take you on a tour of places that will long live in infamy:

• Moonshadows Restaurant on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Site of Mel Gibson's July drunken tirade against Jewish Malibu Sheriff's Deputy James Mee after his DUI arrest. "Are you a JEW?!", the devout Christian actor demanded. "The Jews are responsible for ALL the wars in the world. I'm gonna get you...I own Malibu...F**kin' Jews!"
  
  Officer Mee is currently under investigation for possibly leaking a copy of his original 8 page report detailing the actor's anti-semitic rants to Harvey Levin at TMZ.com. A search warrant was executed on Officer Mee's home, and investigators seized a computer, telephone records and documents. WHOEVER leaked that document toTMZ is a hero because the official report later released to the public was edited to 4 pages with no mention of the inflammatory remarks. Meanwhile, an unrepentant Mel Gibson is running around free, blaming all is troubles on demon booze, while honest, upright Officer Mee faces dismissal from his job and possible jail time if found guilty of the leak. What's wrong with this picture?!



• More drunk driving on PCH in Malibu...There were a few deaths on this famed highway due to a famous drunk driver who didn't go to jail, and got rewarded by Hollywood. Famed director Busby Berkeley, a well known taskmaster and hopeless drunk, crashed into a car in the 1930's while driving under the influence, killing all three passengers. A slick Hollywood lawyer got him acquitted of all charges blaming the tires for the entire accident. What were THEY drinking?!



• Robert Downey Jr. & The Goldilocks House...The 31 year old star of "Chaplin" was busted on Heathercliff Road in Malibu in 1997 after he wandered drunk and drugged into a neighbor's house and passed out in a kid's bed. The resident called police who arrested him for trespassing and being under the influence of drugs. Hours before, the same cops had arrested him for speeding on Pacific Coast Highway, and for possession of a revolver, heroin, cocaine and crack.

People who drive along the idyllic Pacific Coast Highway with its azure waters, mountains, and megamillion dollar mansions better beware of the pampered, drunken movie star who can be plastered behind the wheel of any of the upscale vehicles in this tony enclave. PCH could well be an acronym for PACIFIC COAST HORROR!!

Seniors Get Free Sex...

The voice mail system in Ohio's toll-free Medicaid line has been referring callers to a phone sex business. Red faced state officials have told excited seniors that the problem was traced to a typo in the voice mail script. No official complaints have been received.


Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

MADONNA ON AFRICAN BABY BUYING SPREE...

Continuing her copycat ways, Madonna is now one-upping Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. She's adopted a 13 month old African tot who's not even an orphan! After seeing a boost in Namibia's tourist trade after Brangelina's sojourn there for the birth of their daughter, the country of Malawi decided to be a copycat, too, and granted Madonna special dispensation for adopting little David Banda.

New York Post columnist Andrea Peyser articulated what many readers e-mailed in a story headlined: Shameless Star Buys an African Souvenir..."(Madonna) has her heart set on raping Malawi. Days ago, she lined up 12 African boys, hand selected for her scrutiny. She picked out 1 year old David to take home in her luggage...The boy selected in this freakish slave auction is no AIDS orphan. He's got a biological father, plus a granny, but was placed in an orphanage after his mother died. His family loves him. They just can't afford to keep him. If Madonna possessed a speck of sanity or shame, she would write a generous check...Madonna should nail herself on her crucifix, for real this time."

Madonna's gone too far THIS time, even by her own ever devolving standards for reinvention. There's talk that hubby Guy Ritchie is bitterly opposed to this latest publicity stunt, oops, sorry... planned adoption. He feels his wife's daughter by another man and THEIR biological child is enough to cope with in view of his wife's unceasing efforts to conquer the world and put her brand on everyone's derriere. FREE LITTLE DAVID BANDA FROM VEGANISM, KABBALA INDOCTRINATION AND MEGLOMANIA NOW!!!

ANNA NICOLE TRAPPED IN HER OWN LOONEY TOON

Now the former stripper and TrimSpa poster girl has shed another 200 pounds... her Bahamian lawyer. He's like so FIRED! Seems there were violent disagreements with Anna's personal, full-service lawyer and self-confessed "baby daddy", Howard K. Stern and her Bahamian mouthpiece Michael Scott. As Perez Hilton deduced: "It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what probably happened: Anna and Howard wanted to do some shady shit and this lawyer dude would not lie!"

A lawyer who will not lie for his client? Isn't this grounds for a suit for incompetence and malfeasance?!!

MEL GIBSON INVOKES THE SODDI DEFENSE...

"Some Other Dude Did It" is the most mundane, classic defense invoked by millions of common criminals around the world when facing the music for their misdeeds. The usually imaginative and talented superstar billionaire, MEL GIBSON, showed an utter lack of originality and self-knowledge when he told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an interview aired this morning that his anti-semitic tirade the evening of his July 28 drunk driving arrest was not him talking. It was Jose Cuervo!! The Passion of the Christ director alleges that tequila was to blame for his "insane" behavior and he admitted that when drunk, he has the capacity to "murder inanimate objects", including toasters. He also went on to say that anyone who doesn't understand that what a drunk man rants and raves about is not anything that he would ever think of sober...

Oy vey, knock if off already and fess up to the WHOLE shmear, Mel. You cannot be successful in an AA program without RIGOROUS honesty. Your daddy Hutton bombarded you from the crib with his anti-semitic tirades and you had little choice. We know you love and honor your father...but grow up and think for yourself. And if you do share his views, be honest and tell the world the truth. The "truth" isn't a business decision. The truth is the truth. And by the way, your self-confessed vanity in gussying up for your mug shot speaks volumes about you, Mr, Gibson. What would Jesus do?

HOLD THE MAYO AND LETTUCE, BUT NOT THE POT...

Three Burger King workers in Los Lunas, New Mexico are in a pickle after serving two cops Whoppers sprinkled with marijuana. The hungry officers started chowing down when they noticed the meat had been sprinkled with a substance that looked like pot. A field test kit confirmed the illegal substance. The cops had the three overzealous employees for lunch...


Now be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

IS MEL GIBSON RESIGNING FROM THE TALIBAN?

In a pre-taped interview schedued to be aired this Thursday and Friday on Good Morning America, Mel Gibson tells ABC's Diane Sawyer about his drunken, anti-semitic rant during his DUI arrest on July 28, 2006:

"It was just the stupid ramblings of a drunkard, you know and... I need to heal myself and to be assuring and allay the fears of others and to heal them if they had any heart wounds from something I may have said. So, this is the last thing I want to be is that kind of monster."

Duh, what kind of a mea culpa is that, Mel?! Now we know you sat at the knee of your Holocaust denying dad, Hutton Gibson, and that you learned to dislike Jews in the cradle. But grow up!! You may say it was the booze talkin' and not you. To that we say:
"A drunk man says what a sober man thinks." (Check out our All Points Bulletin podcast: "Mel Gibson's Malibu Meltdown" for the down and dirty truth...)

ANNA NICOLE TAKES PEOPLE FOR A $1 MILLION RIDE...

In yet another spectacular display of bad taste, brand new mother AND grieving mom, Anna Nicole Smith, swam full bore into a Bahamian marital charade with her full service attorney Howard K. Stern and collected big bucks. People magazine paid $1 million for pictures of the phony baloney "wedding", non-binding in every country on the face of the earth, including Lichenstein.

After the faux ceremony, the giddy couple plunged into the balmy waters off their catamaran and ruined their perfectly pressed formal wedding attire. No word if the rental company is suing. After the guests toasted the couple with some mid-range champagne and apple cider, the wedding party enjoyed a lavish buffet of Kentucky Fried Chicken, complete with biscuits and gravy!!

It appears that a baby of uncertain paternity and a dead son proved to be more of a lucrative career move for Anna Nicole than marrying an 89 year old billionaire cadaver. The cash register keeps ringing. First, she sold the last photos of her late 20 year old son to the tabloids for over $600,000, and now she's cashed in for a cool million with the sale of photos of her non-wedding. Meanwhile, this Mother of the Year is accused of being a methadone addict who entered drug rehab in her 7th month of gestation. Her ex-lover Larry Birkhead also alleges the former stripper gave birth to a methadone addicted baby. Coincidentally, her son's autopsy revealed he died from a drug overdose of Zoloft and Methadone. His system had more than 7x the normal dosage of both drugs. Next stop: Mother Rehab?

TRUMP RAGS ON ANGELINA

That self-anointed arbiter of beauty and filial devotion, real estate maven Donald Trump pronounced reigning sex queen Angelina Jolie unattractive and a lousy daughter. Talking about Jolie's estrangement from her father, he told CNN's Larry King last night:

"Well, look, number one, I know her father. Her father is a nice guy. I think she treats him like a dog but maybe they have some kind of a thing. I think he's a great actor and she just treats him terribly. She's been with so many guys she makes me look like a baby, OK, with the other side. And, I just don't even find her attractive."

A meglomaniacal, billionaire global brand obviously can shoot from the hip with little or no introspection and get away with it. First off, being a great actor does not make one a great father. Her dad Jon Voight was a married man (like Trump), when he cheated on his wife quite publicly (like Trump), and caused much pain to his children. Jolie remembers watching the Oscars with her mother and brother with little food in the house as her nominee father paraded his girlfriend before the cameras. (What a great guy!) She vowed she would never let that kind of betrayal be part of her life when she grew up. Word is that she did not become intimate with Brad Pitt until his divorce papers were signed. Their daughter Shiloh was born 9 months later. Mr. Trump obviously has amnesia when it comes to his own behavior. And who cares if he finds Jolie attractive, his attentions would be better placed at finding himself a new hair stylist!

WATCH OUT, YOU COULD BE STUCK ON A WALTZ....

Here's a new way for couples to make sweet music together. It's a musical condom designed to play louder and faster as the sex becomes more passionate. The harmonious device will soon be on sale in the Ukraine.


Now be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...