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Friday, October 06, 2006


Skanky hotel heiress/amateur porn star Paris Hilton took a closed fist punch to the jaw from former Miss USA Shanna Moakler hours after the celebrity gossip website TMZ posted a video of Hilton making out with Moakler's estranged husband, former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker at a crowded nightclub.

In a further display of "High School Antics 101", as Paris recoiled in pain amid some foul language from the beauty queen's mouth, the heiress' ex-boyfriend, Greek shipping heir Stavros Niarchos pounced on the Playboy Playmate/"Dancing with the Stars" loser Moakler, bent back her wrists and poured a drink over her.

Paris and Moakler raced to the local police station to file charges against each other. No arrests have been made pending further investigation.

Paris would you please give Angelina and Madonna a call and get your ass to a Third World orphanage. Supporting the extended families of the paparazzi does not count as philanthropy on the world stage!


The New York Post reports that: "Paris tells the new issue of Blender that she refused to perform oral sex on boyfriends until she was 19 because her mother told her it would leave her with 'holes in your face and craters...I totally believed her.' Paris said one of her boyfriends finally set her straight: 'He's like, Paris, you're 19. You're allowed to do this.' I've only done that with maybe three people in my life.' But one was on video."

How's that for filial wisdom?!! In the jetsetter world, it's not about morality, but looks and money. Now that she's safely past 19, how about charging and building up your blue chip stocks, Paris...Oops, sorry, you ALREADY did that!!


In the "Looney Toon" that keeps giving, the saga of alleged pill popper and diet pill peddler Anna Nicole Smith took another stomach turning twist. With her son's body still unburied and in the morgue 18 days after his death, photos of the grieving mother posing sexily in the warm Bahamian waters with her new unofficial hubby, personal full-service lawyer Howard K. Stern appeared in the media yesterday. The former Texas stripper and widow of an 89-year old cadaver celebrated the "commitment ceremony" by diving off a 41-foot catamaran just two weeks after the caesarean birth of her daughter by father unknown. She's reportedly come down with a post-operative infection from this witless misadventure. Meanwhile, in addition to Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead each claiming to be the baby's father, a third man has come forward saying the baby's his spawn...

Anna Nicole is the epitome of just how shallow the standards are for today's media stars. A gal with God given looks, an 8th grade education, an audacity reserved for the truly IQ challenged and a way with a stripper's pole & a doddering, decaying billionaire oilman rules the print & electronic media ad nauseum. We gave her the benefit of some well-placed doubt unntil she sold the last photos of her and her late son for over half a million dollars, hurriedly "married" her lawyer, proclaiming him her "baby daddy" and then posed seductively, smiling from ear to ear in some cheesecake photos she knew would go around the world while her beloved son is still in a cold, crypt drawer at the morgue. A class act is a class act...LOW CLASS forever...


There's a boob bandit on the loose in Germany who got her breasts surgically enlarged and then fled the clinic without paying. In an effort to recoup his $10,000 fee, the doctor has published a five column picture of the woman's naked breasts in what has to be the most unique wanted police poster ever!!

Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


That ultimate stage parent from hell, former youth pastor Joe Simpson, must've been thinkin' of something real alluring. He drove his Ferrari into a staircase railing shortly after leaving a salon in Beverly Hills. Like any man as guilty as sin, Pastor Joe drove off before he thought anyone noticed.

This guy's a piece of work. Check him out in this week's blog and podcast about stage parents from hell. Pastor Joe has an unhealthy interest in Jessica's God given endowments, and brags to anyone who'll listen about her double D's and the fact that he fit her for her first bra! When he hit that railing, what was he thinking...


Ashton Kutcher told TV host Jay Leno last night about the time he and his wife Demi Moore met the 42nd President of the United States: "Clinton was the only President I ever met, but it was like I wasn't there. HE WAS HITTING ON MY WIFE!"

Ah, if the Prez only would have been so single-minded in his pursuit of Osama Bin Laden, he could've nailed HIM in the Sudan in the early 90's...


Photographer Larry Birkhead, who is duking it out in court with Anna Nicole Smith's full service, personal attorney Howard K. Stern, for the honor of being called the TrimSpa Queen's baby daddy, in an exclusive interview yesterday with MSNBC's Rita Cosby made some stunning, new allegations about his former lady love. Birkhead says that Anna Nicole has a methadone addiction, and he fears the baby was born damaged. In addition to a paternity test, he's also demanding that the baby be tested for drugs. He accuses attorney Stern of supplying Anna Nicole with methadone. A sad footnote: Her son Daniel's autopsy revealed he died from a lethal combination of methadone and antidepressants.

Anna Nicole's taste for drugs may be back again and her taste in men is definitely up her childhood. Her own no-good daddy left early and well, you can figure out the rest...


Kevin Federline is still in the running for lousiest father ever. After leaving his girlfriend actress Shar Jackson with their two toddlers for Britney Spears, he married the songstress diva and immediately produced two heirs to HER pop dynasty, insuring HIS financial future. According to "Page Six", the wannabe rapper is up to his old, bad boy ways, leaving his wife and two babies, ages 3 weeks and one-year at home in Malibu, while he chartered a private jet with his buddies for a wild weekend in his beloved Las Vegas. While he boozed it up and party-ed in Sin City, we saw Britney shlepping her two adorable tots around Malibu with the obligatory pit stop at Starbuck's.

Brit, you need more than a jolt of java to keep you going. You need a major rush of reality to get rid of this moocher. While doling out unearned gifts to your hubby, how 'bout getting K-Fed one he deserves... a vasectomy for Christmas. Now that would truly bring joy to the world!!


An Israeli woman's breast implants saved her life when she was wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack during Israel's war with the Lebanese group. Doctors found shrapnel embedded in the silicone implants, just inches from the 24 year old's heart.

A silicone shield against the sword of that's something those folks in the Old Testament NEVER though of!!

Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...

Monday, October 02, 2006


Let's get real...who didn't the blonde bombshell sleep with?! A SALACIOUS 50-year old Hollywood secret is finally out: Marilyn slept with Elvis after being delivered to his hotel room by a William Morris agent, Byron Raphael. The agent tells Page Six that The King ordered him to pick up Marilyn Monroe at an apartment she shared with actress Shelley Winters.

"When he saw her, they came together and, without saying a word, started kissing. I was in shock and I didn't know what to do. Then Marilyn who was 10 years older, said: 'You're pretty good for a guitar player.'

"After two minutes, they went into the bedroom and I didn't know if I was supposed to leave, or stay and wait for them, so I sort of dozed off. The next thing I knew I was startled awake by the door opening and I dove behind the bar. And they both walked out stark naked. I didn't say a word. I just stayed quietly."

Marilyn was known to skip the hellos when meeting folks and heading straight to carnal territory. She must've circled the "E's" in the alphabet twice as she also slept with Einstein. Shelley Winters , her roommate at the time, reported seeing an autographed photo of the Genius of the 20th Century inscribed to Marilyn: "With love and respect and THANKS." (See our blog: "Here lies Marilyn Monroe: 38-23-36"). Marilyn was always looking for a father, which is why she slept with movie idol Clark Gable. Whether she had a sexual liaison with screen legend Joan Crawford to fulfill a mommy craving is unclear. Crawford wanted another round, Marilyn said she preferred guys.Yes, folks...there is such a thing as women who love too much!!

"Just Asking" from the Always On The Money Page Six...

"Which recently rehabbed celebrity is back on the sauce? The guy just can't stay away from the booze...or the women, much to his wife's distress."

Happy birthday to a billionaire gossip columnist...

Birthday greetings to the elegant man-about-town and Greek shipping heir, Taki Theodoracopulos on his 70th celebrated in London at the famed Annabelle's with a dinner dance for the billionaire and titled set. Guests at the million dollar extravaganza included King Constantine and Queen Anne Marie of Greece, designer Caroline Herrera and two hundred other jet setters. Thanks, Taki, for mentioning the Starr Sisters in your renowned column in The Sunday Times of London. Here's to your next 70 fabulous years!!


A granny in India says she stays healthy by eating a little more than 2 pounds of sand a day. Ram Rati, 80, considers sand an essential part of her diet and eats it before breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea.

This beats anorexia, bulimia or cartons of cigarettes. Just think, if your dirt is lucky enough to have a few earth worms, you'll for sure get your daily requirement of protein!!

Now, be the FIRST to go out and spin the down and dirty truths behind the headlines...