MADONNA: LET'S TALK TURKEY...

Lady Madonna is firmly entrenched in the British aristocracy and shares its love of bloodsports. Here's what New York Post columnist Cindy Adams says about that: "If you're not already up to your eyeballs in Madonna and her adoption, and her Africa and her kabbalah and what she's doing, here's more of what she's doing: She rents out her English estate Ashcombe House, give or take a few quid, for $20,000 a day. For pheasant shoots. Not peasants. Pheasants. Well, seems her gamekeeper decided they're running low on birds for these rich folks to kill, so he's importing more pheasants from the wilds of France. For shooting and killing purposes."

Now are we crazy or what, but isn't the Material Girl (and new tribal mom) a fanatical vegetarian who eschews violence as per the teachings of Kaballah which says that for every action, there is a reaction. Violence begets violence, etc. etc. Seems this week she's adhering to Ayn Rand's credo of the shameless worship money as a religion. Money begets more money. The ends justify the means, blah, blah, blah. Jeez, Madonna...oops, Esther, make up your mind: saint or money whore, oligarch or woman of the people.
You're givin' us vertigo!

MICHAEL JACKSON FINALLY TAKES OUR ADVICE

Ten years ago we told the King of Pop a move to Ireland would be good for his soul. The love and goodness of the Irish people and their hospitality cannot help but heal any troubled soul. The added ingredient of mysticism and ubiquitous legends just adds to the country's charm and allure. The Emerald Isle is a magical land where all kinds of transformations are indeed possible. We hope Michael will look up our dear friend, world famed Irish psychic Mary Malone, the most loving and talented spirit we've ever encountered here on earth.

Cindy Adams reports that, "While house-hunting in Ireland, Michael Jackson's renting in Youghal, County Cork, for six months. He took his nicely mannered kids to a local hotel where a wedding was in process. To those in charge, the children said politely, 'We're not allowed to eat sweets, but may we please taste the wedding cake?' The happy kids were fed giant gooey slabs but, unless they plan to do two ceremonies a week, these junior Jacksons won't ever be part of today's pediatric obese."

SANDRA BULLOCK, BRAD PITT...MOVIE STARS KISS & TELL ALL!

Famous actors are now talking about their first kiss. Sandra Bullock: "It was through the bedroom window. His friend got on all fours, and he stood on his pal's back to get high enough." Brad Pitt: I was in fourth grade. We actually made a plan, like this business deal, to meet in her garage. After a half hour of working up courage, I kissed her. Then I ran home..." Matthew McConaughey remembers: "Amy had braces, and my lip got caught." Denise Richards' first kiss was with a boy who'd had his front teeth removed the day before. Heather Graham, who is not known for being the sharpest tool in the shed, recounted: "I was 9. This boy I had a crush on said, 'If I give you a dollar, will you kiss me? I said, 'I don't know.' Then, 'What if I give you 50 cents?' I finally did it for free."

NEVADA BETS ON LEGALIZED POT

In another octopus-like move to corner ALL the world's revenue, voters in a state that already has legalized gambling and prostitution are gonna decide if they want to go into the marijuana business. If a ballot measure passes on Nov. 7, Nevada will be the first state to let adults possess up to an ounce of pot AND buy it at government-regulated pot shops.

Passing the bong while playing strip polka at the Bunny Ranch...Don't they do that already?!!

Anna Nicole Watch

Day 39. Daniel Smith remains unburied.

Quote of the day

"My daddy warned me about men and liquor, but he never mentioned women and cocaine."

Famed bisexual actress Tallulah Bankhead, a southern belle whose daddy was Speaker of the House in the U.S. House of Representatives (D-Alabama). The ultimate wild child, she slept with Greta Garbo and Hattie McDaniel, who played Mammy in "Gone With The Wind".


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